I think we're both thinking the same thing.
This is too hard. It has been hard since we met. It is supposed to be easy. It should not be this hard for two people who are right for each other. We just aren't the right two people for each other.
It wasn't one thing that happened. It wasn't just recently I felt this way. It's not something specific you did, but I kept waiting to feel loved and cared about and important, and I didn't. And this time I didn't feel that way and it brought back all the feelings of all the other times I felt broken because I didn't feel loved and prioritized and cared for.
I'm so sorry.
I care about you so much.
You have so much going on in your world. And you should be saving the free time you do have to be with your family. The decision shouldn't be so difficult.
I don't know what this means. I don't know if we can be friends.
I can't hang up. Because I don't know the next time I'm going to talk to you.
____________________________________________
It went a little something like that.....
I really honestly don't know what this means. But it really has been hard for him and I since day one, when we met in January 2012. Heck, it took three tries and multiple cancellations (a couple on my part) just for us to get a first date. And then to get the first date to move into something more. And after that, a lot more times where I questioned and wondered and lacked confidence about where we were. It has been hard ALL along, even when we were broken up... And, out of the times when it wasn't hard-- a lot of them were the times where I was practically begging for attention, or in bed. And that's just not enough.
I don't know what it means for the future. Nobody can predict that... but I can't put myself through this anymore and I can't lead myself on thinking it might work sometime down the road... thinking at some point his life will settle down... hoping that at someday I'll move up on his priorities list. I have to move on. We both have to move on.
I am already very lonely in my life right now, and I just said goodbye to one of my best friends and the person I thought I was going to end up with. It definitely sucks, but after having a lot of time to think about it, and after finally getting to talk to him tonight, I have so much clarity that it's the right thing to do. I am loving my job right now, and thinking about having to move back to where he is to be closer to him when/if our relationship got more serious was already stressing me out because I could definitely stay at my job for a good 3-5 years and I love Charlotte and I don't want to start all over AGAIN, even if I'm not totally on my feet here yet. And as hard as second year and step one and third year has been... picturing it only becoming more difficult for him gives me very little hope for our relationship getting better and stronger and growing. He barely has time to take care of himself... what about a house and a dog and a wedding and all those other things I (or hopefully "we") would want?
I felt a lot of conviction the last couple days that he and I are just missing "something"... some puzzle piece or keystone or something that would make us fit how a loving, strong, marriage-bound couple should fit. Maybe it was the distance, maybe it was the time, or maybe it was something that we just never had the time to figure out because we didn't have the chance to spend regular Saturdays and random Wednesday nights together. Maybe being long-distance for this long kept us from having the close bond we needed to really get each other. Maybe we're too young and immature.
I don't know what it means, but I am sure this is the right thing right now. It's not what I want or what I wish, and I am heart broken, but it's right.
When you love something, let it go... right?
Monday, April 29, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
what do real people do on saturdays?
Admittedly, I have blown of my Saturdays for the last who knows how many weekends.
I don't even remember what used to make me get out of bed before 10am on a Saturday besides needing to work at my retail job, desperation for a Monday-due date assignment, leaving for a long drive, or just plain legit plans with friends or family.
Well I certainly don't have a retail job anymore, and I'm not required to work weekends (although sadly I sometimes wish I did because it would give me something worthwhile to devote my time to and make the day go by more quickly.....).
I most definitely do not have assignments or homework on the weekend (and IT IS WONDERFUL! believe me, I am NOT asking for a paper or a project!).
Occasionally those weekend trips happen, and I LOVE them! I have gone to Chapel Hill a number of times, a football game with my old roommate at his former college, and gone to my Grandma's house a few hours away. But I also don't want to make trips an every-weekend thing because I realize I DO need to invest in my life here.
As far as making fun plans here... I have lived here only 6 months and I still get lost driving sometimes... but more significantly, I still only know a handful of people. And they are either the 2 people who I knew before I moved here (who are engaged and live together), 1 person I met through those people, or roommates (ex-roommate doesn't live here anymore and current roommate is never around), or my coworkers (who are all at least 10 years old than me, married and/or have children), or my "sometimes"-coworkers (20 somethings who are all either engaged/married and have children and whom I see in quick passing a couple times a week when I help out at the other building).
So... what does that leave a 20-something bachelorette to do on a Saturday with no responsibilities and no plans in a town she doesn't know all that well?
My ideal Saturday: I'd get up at 8, go for a run, make a healthy breakfast and clean the house by noon. Then run errands, shop for household items, get groceries, drop off bills at the post office and work on projects around the house. Maybe meet a friend for lunch and explore the city, come home and get ready to go out on a hot dinner date, back in time to pre-game with friends at my uptown apartment and walk up to the bars. Ideally.
My real Saturday: I got up at 10 and took a shower first thing in the morning (which normally gets put off until I absolutely HAVE to leave the house...). I made a cheese omelet and cleaned the kitchen. I got ready to go run errands and make returns.... aaaand while I was there I couldn't ignore the sales at J.Crew, Gap, and Anthro... and the not-quite-sale at Madewell (because the bow-printed skinny jeans I bought were a NEED).
I had been wanting to plant a small container herb/vegetable garden on the little bit of space we have on our back step, so I went to Home Depot-- (a store I used to DREAD going to with my mother, before I was on my own). :) I came home with rosemary, basil and cilantro plants, a "better boy" tomato (a variety which one of my patients had recommended!), a "patio" tomato (this is my first patio/container vegetable garden so I didn't want to take too many chances) and a red bell pepper plant; a large rectangle box planter, and some more potting soil. I planted my herbs in a large round planter I already had, and planted the veggies in my new box. I am excited! I'll have to put up pictures with my progress in the next couple months.
For some reason today, I had an inspiration to bake... I always think of myself as this pretty decent baker but really I just have this one go-to cookie recipe that I am obsessed with and they always turn out really yummy and really addicting. I tried pinterest-ing for something new to try, but all I could think about were Cowboy Cookies. I made a quick trip to Target for the ingredients... and while I was at Target (of course... because Target does these things to you) I got inspired to get the ingredients to make fresh homemade salsa. Well sorry Tarjay, but your produce section does NOT cut it... which meant a trip to Trader Joe's for tomatoes and jalepenos and onion and lime and blackbean-quinoa tortilla chips. Completely burnt out (yay!) from shopping all day, I came home to embark on the cookie adventure.
Now I normally use the original Laura Bush recipe that I would look up online, but I wasn't able to find it this time... and this food network version made a much smaller portion of cookie dough than her recipe. (All that cookie dough is hard to handle with my "vintage" hand mixer that was a hand-me-down from my parents... a wedding gift to them in the 70s.) I made the cookies on the big side this time to speed up the process, and ended up with 27 big cookies altogether (minus the somewhere-between-1-and-10 cookie-equivalent of cookie dough that I inevitably ate while they were baking).
Come 10:30pm... I am STUFFED with oatmeal and pecans and coconut and chocolate and butter and it is time for me and my nearly empty Sauvignon Blanc to get under the covers and relax after my VERY productive day as an independent adult.
So... I know it doesn't quite add up to my "ideal" Saturday vision. But it was better than some of the Saturdays I have had here. My day has no mention of friends, or family, or dates. I didn't work out. And I certainly didn't eat healthy. I got a few important chores done but there are still a lot left to do.
All day I preach to people the importance of staying active, and being engaged with important activities, and doing what matters to you. My most valued and favorite activity in my life is other people-- it's just that unfortunately right now (and this weekend in particular) that is a resource I happen to be low on. Being single in your 20s in a cool city sounds like the best time ever, and in my "ideal" world it is... but in the real world, it does get lonely because all the other people your age are off on their own, also trying to figure out what is important to them and what matters to them.
Shopping can only occupy you for so long, but then you run out of money..... Gardening only needs so much of my attention, now my plants need time on their own..... Baking and cooking certainly fulfill a physiological need, but how much can a single girl eat.....
I am still looking for things that matter to me... exercise needs to be the next one, along with community/charity work. But perhaps more importantly, I'm still looking for those people (or person) who are a part of my regular routine. When activities and interests and hobbies become regular enough in our lives they become habits, they become second nature. When people become regular enough in our lives, they also become habits and become second nature. Regularity and routine and consistency is what I need, and that's what I am going to be working on. My hope is that the people come along with it.
I don't even remember what used to make me get out of bed before 10am on a Saturday besides needing to work at my retail job, desperation for a Monday-due date assignment, leaving for a long drive, or just plain legit plans with friends or family.
Well I certainly don't have a retail job anymore, and I'm not required to work weekends (although sadly I sometimes wish I did because it would give me something worthwhile to devote my time to and make the day go by more quickly.....).
I most definitely do not have assignments or homework on the weekend (and IT IS WONDERFUL! believe me, I am NOT asking for a paper or a project!).
Occasionally those weekend trips happen, and I LOVE them! I have gone to Chapel Hill a number of times, a football game with my old roommate at his former college, and gone to my Grandma's house a few hours away. But I also don't want to make trips an every-weekend thing because I realize I DO need to invest in my life here.
As far as making fun plans here... I have lived here only 6 months and I still get lost driving sometimes... but more significantly, I still only know a handful of people. And they are either the 2 people who I knew before I moved here (who are engaged and live together), 1 person I met through those people, or roommates (ex-roommate doesn't live here anymore and current roommate is never around), or my coworkers (who are all at least 10 years old than me, married and/or have children), or my "sometimes"-coworkers (20 somethings who are all either engaged/married and have children and whom I see in quick passing a couple times a week when I help out at the other building).
So... what does that leave a 20-something bachelorette to do on a Saturday with no responsibilities and no plans in a town she doesn't know all that well?
My ideal Saturday: I'd get up at 8, go for a run, make a healthy breakfast and clean the house by noon. Then run errands, shop for household items, get groceries, drop off bills at the post office and work on projects around the house. Maybe meet a friend for lunch and explore the city, come home and get ready to go out on a hot dinner date, back in time to pre-game with friends at my uptown apartment and walk up to the bars. Ideally.
My real Saturday: I got up at 10 and took a shower first thing in the morning (which normally gets put off until I absolutely HAVE to leave the house...). I made a cheese omelet and cleaned the kitchen. I got ready to go run errands and make returns.... aaaand while I was there I couldn't ignore the sales at J.Crew, Gap, and Anthro... and the not-quite-sale at Madewell (because the bow-printed skinny jeans I bought were a NEED).
I had been wanting to plant a small container herb/vegetable garden on the little bit of space we have on our back step, so I went to Home Depot-- (a store I used to DREAD going to with my mother, before I was on my own). :) I came home with rosemary, basil and cilantro plants, a "better boy" tomato (a variety which one of my patients had recommended!), a "patio" tomato (this is my first patio/container vegetable garden so I didn't want to take too many chances) and a red bell pepper plant; a large rectangle box planter, and some more potting soil. I planted my herbs in a large round planter I already had, and planted the veggies in my new box. I am excited! I'll have to put up pictures with my progress in the next couple months.
For some reason today, I had an inspiration to bake... I always think of myself as this pretty decent baker but really I just have this one go-to cookie recipe that I am obsessed with and they always turn out really yummy and really addicting. I tried pinterest-ing for something new to try, but all I could think about were Cowboy Cookies. I made a quick trip to Target for the ingredients... and while I was at Target (of course... because Target does these things to you) I got inspired to get the ingredients to make fresh homemade salsa. Well sorry Tarjay, but your produce section does NOT cut it... which meant a trip to Trader Joe's for tomatoes and jalepenos and onion and lime and blackbean-quinoa tortilla chips. Completely burnt out (yay!) from shopping all day, I came home to embark on the cookie adventure.
Now I normally use the original Laura Bush recipe that I would look up online, but I wasn't able to find it this time... and this food network version made a much smaller portion of cookie dough than her recipe. (All that cookie dough is hard to handle with my "vintage" hand mixer that was a hand-me-down from my parents... a wedding gift to them in the 70s.) I made the cookies on the big side this time to speed up the process, and ended up with 27 big cookies altogether (minus the somewhere-between-1-and-10 cookie-equivalent of cookie dough that I inevitably ate while they were baking).
.JPG) |
| "Vintage" mustard-color hand-mixer, giant cookies, and the ingredients for my Sunday project |
Come 10:30pm... I am STUFFED with oatmeal and pecans and coconut and chocolate and butter and it is time for me and my nearly empty Sauvignon Blanc to get under the covers and relax after my VERY productive day as an independent adult.
So... I know it doesn't quite add up to my "ideal" Saturday vision. But it was better than some of the Saturdays I have had here. My day has no mention of friends, or family, or dates. I didn't work out. And I certainly didn't eat healthy. I got a few important chores done but there are still a lot left to do.
All day I preach to people the importance of staying active, and being engaged with important activities, and doing what matters to you. My most valued and favorite activity in my life is other people-- it's just that unfortunately right now (and this weekend in particular) that is a resource I happen to be low on. Being single in your 20s in a cool city sounds like the best time ever, and in my "ideal" world it is... but in the real world, it does get lonely because all the other people your age are off on their own, also trying to figure out what is important to them and what matters to them.
Shopping can only occupy you for so long, but then you run out of money..... Gardening only needs so much of my attention, now my plants need time on their own..... Baking and cooking certainly fulfill a physiological need, but how much can a single girl eat.....
I am still looking for things that matter to me... exercise needs to be the next one, along with community/charity work. But perhaps more importantly, I'm still looking for those people (or person) who are a part of my regular routine. When activities and interests and hobbies become regular enough in our lives they become habits, they become second nature. When people become regular enough in our lives, they also become habits and become second nature. Regularity and routine and consistency is what I need, and that's what I am going to be working on. My hope is that the people come along with it.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
disappointment after disappointment.....
Am I made for this kind of relationship? I thought I was strong enough and independent enough. I thought WE could do it and WE could make it work. But no matter what, the vicious cycle of disappointment after disappointment after disappointment (with moments of "he would if he could" or "it's not his fault" in between each one) continues... it's never going to stop. Right? Why doesn't it get easier though? I tell myself: temper your expectations, don't get your hopes up too quickly, don't plan ahead too much. But when you love somebody how do you NOT do those things? If I didn't do those things, how would I know how I really felt about the person? You expect a lot because there has been evidence of it before; you get your hopes up because you are so excited to see them; and you plan ahead because it's just fun, and because you want to make the most of the time you spend with them.
Disappointment happened again today. And actually it's happened a few times since "we [sorta] got back together [half way]". It was the weekend of March 9 that we spent together and got to talk a ton, reach the best level of understanding and connection we'd ever had, and both feel clarity and just felt renewed with our relationship. That was the last time we saw each other: just over 6 weeks ago. And we've been apart for stretches WAY longer than that so 6 weeks seems like nothing.
1. He invited me to Wilmington, then reneged last minute when he was too behind on studying. But I'd already conditioned myself to stop "planning" and stop "getting my hopes up" and stop "expecting" for those dreams to work out. Wilmington was a lofty one... I kind of "expected" it to fall through so even though I was disappointed I wasn't THAT disappointed (I told myself).
2. This past weekend I don't hear back from him for 4 days, only to find out he purposely "disconnected" this weekend when he went to see his parents for the weekend off. Well, I definitely get the desire of being disconnected... that's great and I'm sure he needed it. But... one, why not tell me ahead of time? And two, disconnected from everyone else means disconnected from me too... (And let's just clarify- I am NOT a clinger or overbearing, he messages me first the majority of the time). And three, he was ONE HOUR from me all weekend. That is the closest we have been to each other (besides visits in the exact same town) in a YEAR and he doesn't make an effort to contact me, or try to see me or work me in to his weekend off? ***AFTER cancelling on me like 3 weeks before?
3. Come Sunday night, when I finally hear from him, I find out he has THIS WHOLE WEEK off. Surprise. And he is still in his hometown (yes 1 hour from me) and did not bother to try to plan ahead a way to try to see me or work it in. How does this NOT cross his mind when it's the FIRST thing I think of when I find out where he is????? SO, I find this out and I tell him,
Me: I want to tell you to meet me for dinner [this week], but I know you're gonna say no...
Him: You're the wrong direction... but tell me anyway please.
Me: :( K come anyway.
Him: It has been on my mind a lot. I almost wanted to just drive to Charlotte today, but then I had to see my Grandma.
Me: I'm not the wrong direction when it's another 9 weeks till I see you. But I'll stop. Can't help it. If meeting u halfway makes a different that's an option too.
Him: Haha Ok, We will make it work. Maybe Tuesday?
Me: Yep, it would mean a lot.
Him: Dinner I can promise. I was hoping to surprise you. We will see what else.
I fall asleep smiling and telling myself I was crazy for even worrying all weekend... and dreaming about dinner and "what else".
The last two days, I have tried to temper my expectations, I have tried not to get my hopes up, and I have tried not to plan ahead.
But... when you love somebody... and haven't seen them in 6 weeks... and originally thought you weren't going to see them for another 2 months... YOU CAN'T HELP IT! I have played out our date in my mind, imagined wonderful kisses, told a few [select] friends how excited I am, and tried on outfits in my head all day at work... How do you NOT do that???? That's the fun exciting thrilling part of dating! HOW DO I NOT DO THAT? It was almost even more fun because it was so last minute...
Until 2:30pm today: "My grandma may be headed to the hospital... not doing well at all today. Idk where this leaves us for dinner yet but wanted to give you early warning on it. Maybe she will get better quickly if she does to the ER."
Haven't heard anything since. It's after 6:00. I should be dressed up and in his car on the way to a restaurant. I'm collapsed on my bed still in my work clothes bawling my eyes out.
Disappointment.
Disappointment happened again today. And actually it's happened a few times since "we [sorta] got back together [half way]". It was the weekend of March 9 that we spent together and got to talk a ton, reach the best level of understanding and connection we'd ever had, and both feel clarity and just felt renewed with our relationship. That was the last time we saw each other: just over 6 weeks ago. And we've been apart for stretches WAY longer than that so 6 weeks seems like nothing.
1. He invited me to Wilmington, then reneged last minute when he was too behind on studying. But I'd already conditioned myself to stop "planning" and stop "getting my hopes up" and stop "expecting" for those dreams to work out. Wilmington was a lofty one... I kind of "expected" it to fall through so even though I was disappointed I wasn't THAT disappointed (I told myself).
2. This past weekend I don't hear back from him for 4 days, only to find out he purposely "disconnected" this weekend when he went to see his parents for the weekend off. Well, I definitely get the desire of being disconnected... that's great and I'm sure he needed it. But... one, why not tell me ahead of time? And two, disconnected from everyone else means disconnected from me too... (And let's just clarify- I am NOT a clinger or overbearing, he messages me first the majority of the time). And three, he was ONE HOUR from me all weekend. That is the closest we have been to each other (besides visits in the exact same town) in a YEAR and he doesn't make an effort to contact me, or try to see me or work me in to his weekend off? ***AFTER cancelling on me like 3 weeks before?
3. Come Sunday night, when I finally hear from him, I find out he has THIS WHOLE WEEK off. Surprise. And he is still in his hometown (yes 1 hour from me) and did not bother to try to plan ahead a way to try to see me or work it in. How does this NOT cross his mind when it's the FIRST thing I think of when I find out where he is????? SO, I find this out and I tell him,
Me: I want to tell you to meet me for dinner [this week], but I know you're gonna say no...
Him: You're the wrong direction... but tell me anyway please.
Me: :( K come anyway.
Him: It has been on my mind a lot. I almost wanted to just drive to Charlotte today, but then I had to see my Grandma.
Me: I'm not the wrong direction when it's another 9 weeks till I see you. But I'll stop. Can't help it. If meeting u halfway makes a different that's an option too.
Him: Haha Ok, We will make it work. Maybe Tuesday?
Me: Yep, it would mean a lot.
Him: Dinner I can promise. I was hoping to surprise you. We will see what else.
I fall asleep smiling and telling myself I was crazy for even worrying all weekend... and dreaming about dinner and "what else".
The last two days, I have tried to temper my expectations, I have tried not to get my hopes up, and I have tried not to plan ahead.
But... when you love somebody... and haven't seen them in 6 weeks... and originally thought you weren't going to see them for another 2 months... YOU CAN'T HELP IT! I have played out our date in my mind, imagined wonderful kisses, told a few [select] friends how excited I am, and tried on outfits in my head all day at work... How do you NOT do that???? That's the fun exciting thrilling part of dating! HOW DO I NOT DO THAT? It was almost even more fun because it was so last minute...
Until 2:30pm today: "My grandma may be headed to the hospital... not doing well at all today. Idk where this leaves us for dinner yet but wanted to give you early warning on it. Maybe she will get better quickly if she does to the ER."
Haven't heard anything since. It's after 6:00. I should be dressed up and in his car on the way to a restaurant. I'm collapsed on my bed still in my work clothes bawling my eyes out.
Disappointment.
Monday, April 15, 2013
it's twelve eleventy somewhere... happy monday!
A picture is worth a thousand words... I am learning the effectiveness of photos and pictures with my caregiver/CNA training and with my dementia patients. The visual just seems to make a bigger impact, especially when you are communicating with people (like our fabulous CNAs!) who don't always have time to read a paragraph of instructions!
One example is with one of my favorite assisted living residents... He is 4'11 and 96 years old and wants to marry me. He is also native Filipino and has the best accent, and calls me "honey." He has Parkinson's disease, and has a really hard time holding silverware and feeding himself without spilling. For a very long time, he would not even leave his room to have meals! I had worked with him a couple months and discharged him... but his plan at discharge had not been carried out so well, and he started having more falls. I originally helped him get some special eating utensils that are easier to hold and addressed his seated positioning. But the biggest victory was when he ate a meal in the dining room for the first time! Okay okay, I may have coaxed him by saying it was a date (this was shortly after he proposed)... I brought my own sack lunch up to the dining room and sat with him at our own special table and he loved it. Ever since, he has been eating out there for every meal and the CNAs and other residents love seeing him out and about. This also gives him more opportunities for exercise, as he gets to walk the hallway 3 times every day. As I said, I recently picked him back up on my caseload, and am addressing balance and transfers, along with hand/fine motor control with use of different activities to help reinforce grasp/release patterns to hold his silverware properly or cup, and having good posture at the table to prevent spilling when transporting bites from plate to mouth. I also made a handout with pictures of his set-up so that all the CNAs (especially the PRNs) are aware of what he needs, since mealtimes can be hectic, and Mr. C is sometimes hard to understand.
There is also an ADORABLE picture of Mr. C. on the instruction sheet I made (which is placed in a plastic sheet protector to go in his chart and MAR)... when I showed it to him, he cracked up laughing... My favorite moment of the day! The other was when the RN who oversees our AL reacted to my instruction sheet saying, "You're the best OT we've ever had!" ;)
Another of my favorites (actually one of my first official patients at my primary building when I first started back in October) husband passed away this morning. Her husband was also actually one of my patients for a little while, however, he required a much higher level of skilled nursing care and so he did not stay at our assisted living for very long, and I did not know him long enough to have much of an established relationship/rapport with him. The Mrs., however, and I bonded very much during my time as her therapist... we would give each other nicknames, and I would always steal a hug from her when I could after she graduated from her OT. She has been pretty sick again lately and has been at the hospital for over a week herself... My heart is sad for this sweet family who, from what I understand, has gone through a LOT in terms of illness, nursing homes and rehab, in the last year (for both the Mr and Mrs). I have not yet had someone (as far as a patient or resident) pass away whom I was really close with, so I don't know what it will feel like when some of my "favorites" have their time.
On a lighter note... It's twelve eleventy somewhere!
This was the work of a new memory support resident I just picked up today... she used to be a hotel cleaning lady and now she loves making her bed and tidying her room, and she carries all her toiletries around in a duffel bag. She was super sweet though and we brainstormed ideas for a different type of bag to carry her things around since she is having a lot of joint stiffness in her hands and her duffel is so heavy! But hey, a girl's gotta have her products!
One example is with one of my favorite assisted living residents... He is 4'11 and 96 years old and wants to marry me. He is also native Filipino and has the best accent, and calls me "honey." He has Parkinson's disease, and has a really hard time holding silverware and feeding himself without spilling. For a very long time, he would not even leave his room to have meals! I had worked with him a couple months and discharged him... but his plan at discharge had not been carried out so well, and he started having more falls. I originally helped him get some special eating utensils that are easier to hold and addressed his seated positioning. But the biggest victory was when he ate a meal in the dining room for the first time! Okay okay, I may have coaxed him by saying it was a date (this was shortly after he proposed)... I brought my own sack lunch up to the dining room and sat with him at our own special table and he loved it. Ever since, he has been eating out there for every meal and the CNAs and other residents love seeing him out and about. This also gives him more opportunities for exercise, as he gets to walk the hallway 3 times every day. As I said, I recently picked him back up on my caseload, and am addressing balance and transfers, along with hand/fine motor control with use of different activities to help reinforce grasp/release patterns to hold his silverware properly or cup, and having good posture at the table to prevent spilling when transporting bites from plate to mouth. I also made a handout with pictures of his set-up so that all the CNAs (especially the PRNs) are aware of what he needs, since mealtimes can be hectic, and Mr. C is sometimes hard to understand.
Another of my favorites (actually one of my first official patients at my primary building when I first started back in October) husband passed away this morning. Her husband was also actually one of my patients for a little while, however, he required a much higher level of skilled nursing care and so he did not stay at our assisted living for very long, and I did not know him long enough to have much of an established relationship/rapport with him. The Mrs., however, and I bonded very much during my time as her therapist... we would give each other nicknames, and I would always steal a hug from her when I could after she graduated from her OT. She has been pretty sick again lately and has been at the hospital for over a week herself... My heart is sad for this sweet family who, from what I understand, has gone through a LOT in terms of illness, nursing homes and rehab, in the last year (for both the Mr and Mrs). I have not yet had someone (as far as a patient or resident) pass away whom I was really close with, so I don't know what it will feel like when some of my "favorites" have their time.
On a lighter note... It's twelve eleventy somewhere!
This was the work of a new memory support resident I just picked up today... she used to be a hotel cleaning lady and now she loves making her bed and tidying her room, and she carries all her toiletries around in a duffel bag. She was super sweet though and we brainstormed ideas for a different type of bag to carry her things around since she is having a lot of joint stiffness in her hands and her duffel is so heavy! But hey, a girl's gotta have her products!
Friday, April 12, 2013
"what is occupational therapy anyway?"
Happy Occupational Therapy Month!!!
I am a lover of holidays, festivity, and spirit. :) April is OT Month, and ever since undergrad, I have tried hard to make sure that people knew it! We had a Pre-OT/Pre-PT Club in college to try to bring together all the students who were planning to go into those fields. In April we always tried to put on an educational event, host a speaker, put up posters, & find ways to make people aware of what OT was... unfortunately that is a topic I continue to have to educate people every single day (I don't even always correct people when they call me the "physical therapist".. Florence Clarke Slagle would be so disappointed)... maybe someday OT will be a term everyone knows, but until that day, there is April. OT Month. 30 days where I get the chance to shamelessly plug my profession and struggle to figure out a way to summarize my complex 2-years-worth of education on philosophy, theory, and research methods. Sadly that layman's description never does justice to my 96-year old profession... and unfortunately for anyone who happens to catch me in April, I still can't summarize OT in under 60 seconds.
I work in a smaller "outpatient" clinic that is located within a retirement community of about 400 residents. I am the only OT, and we have a PT, two PTAs, and a speech therapist. This community is very very active and health conscious and independent. This means there is a lot of demand for PT... but less for OT (I mostly treat residents of our Assisted Living or Memory Support village), and even less understanding of what OT is, because they are still so independent and haven't needed it! BUT all the PT business means lots of people coming in and out of the clinic, experiencing the benefits of their PT and wanting to stay as active and independent as they can!
Since I am often not there (I treat outside the clinic the majority of the time, or am working at other facilities), I went the passive route and made decorations (I love holidays!) to draw attention to OT month from our clients! It is not hard to strike up conversations with our clientele- I feel like I know many of PT patients as if they were my own because of random conversations and familiar faces. But, since I'm MIA a lot (or attending to my patient), I wanted to make it easy for my co-workers to explain OT and promote OT month without difficulty. I made these cute little signs and hung them up around the clinic! I didn't get everything together and hung up until yesterday, but better late than never, and so far they've been a big hit!! My coworkers love them too, and my boss gave me kudos!
The speech bubbles are BIG and large print enough that you can read them from several feet away. On one side is a quote or question (and I legitimately adapted all of the phrases from things I have actually heard in my career!), and on the other side is a little explanation or response (to help my non-OT colleagues start the conversation with more ease. I know I would have a hard time doing justice to PT or ST if I had to explain them without a script). I came up with all of these myself!
"But I don't need occupational therapy... I'm retired!"
Even people who are retired continue to participate in all kinds of “occupations”–tasks or activities-- each and every day: from driving a car to tying your shoe laces, from making the bed to eating ice cream!
"What is occupational therapy? Helping me find a job?"
Occupations aren't just paid work! They include self-care, community activities, chores, leisure pursuits, and social activities too!
" I thought occupational therapy was the same thing as physical therapy..."
Occupational therapists
and physical therapists often work together! In addition to physical strengths, OTs address cognitive, social or neurological areas;
PLUS
the environmental components of a task, activity, or object.
"Is occupational therapy just for arms and hands?"
We use our arms and hands for a LOT of occupations- but that's not what it's all about! An OT may address the entire body, as well as changing the environment or the task to help a person reach their potential."
The little squares are pictures of people doing different occupations: art, cooking, shopping, golf, driving a car, putting on shoes, brushing teeth. I printed everything on cardstock, used double sided tape to stick each side together. I found spirally dangly things in the party decorations dept at Walmart, cut off the big stars and attached my bubbles and pictures. :) They are very eye catching and have been a big hit the last couple days! This is just the beginning though-- now I have them made for next year and I can keep adding on.
My other OT Month project is putting on an in-service for our IL residents. Our therapy department gets a 1-hour spot once a month to do an educational presentation for residents, and they are usually pretty well attended. The last one I did had 10 attendees, which was perfect for the topic. This month, I am presenting on healthy vision and low vision strategies.
In the meantime, find out more at www.aota.org... or just comment and I can do my best to answer in under 200 words. ;)
Sunday, April 7, 2013
i have no fear of the craigslist killer
Having embarked this month on my fifth roommate adventure with a person I found on craigslist, I like to think of myself as somewhat of an expert in roommate compatibility and home shopping at a distance! Yes, craigslist. Am a little naive? A little too trusting of people? Maybe. But I'm also extremely distrusting and skeptical and judgmental of people, so just know that for every 1 roommate/housing situation I followed through with from the internet, I turned down probably 10-20 other opportunities!
Spring-Summer 2010: I finished up senior year at a tiny college in northern Ohio, and preparing to move to North Carolina to start graduate school. Between June and August, I really wanted to move to NC before school started, so I paid $300 a month for the guest bedroom in the house of a 20-something woman whose nuclear engineering student/former Marine husband was away all summer on some kind of internship/co-op deal... Against my parents' better judgment, I packed up my little Dodge Neon with clothing and blankets, drove 9 hours by myself for the first time ever, met this lady I'd chatted with and emailed from craiglist, and we begun our 2-month sleepover. I had found a promising living setup with a UNC alum who was also preparing to start her grad studies (in Physical Therapy) and had a lot of similar values and wants in a home, so by long-distance (having only talked on the phone or facebook chat), we agreed to be roomies, she gave her good word on an apartment complex and I sent a lease in the mail in March with plans to show up on the doorstep in August just in time for classes. Results: Success! I still keep in touch with both of them (mostly via facebook), had a blast that first summer in NC, and a great intro to Chapel Hill life from a veteran!
School year 2011-2012: This tale is one of incompatibility- but it just goes to show why my creepy internet stalker way works better for good roommate-ships. ;) So I stayed in that apartment another year after the roomie moved out in favor of a quieter home to study-- so the complex paired me with a rando (AND didn't bother to tell me...I was in Ohio when I got a text from a strange number asking if they could rearrange the kitchen... shock!), according to some kind of "roommate matching" profile which resulted in two completely opposite people who barely spoke to each other during the 9 months of our co-habitation. Terrible! She was really a little strange, toooooo quiet to be trusted, 3 years younger than me (a bigger difference in your early twenties than late), did not like to go out or drink, but DID like to have loud sorority friends over on weeknights (I'm a soro girl myself, so I'm all for it-- but keep that stuff to yourselves! No one wants to come home to 8 girls chillin in all black in her living room where she was planning on studying that night...). Anyway, I could go on and on. I had to sublet the last 3 months of my lease, so surprise to her, she got a rando (who I found on craiglist, of course), and I didn't give her any notice. Ha!
Summer 2012: I got placed in Northern Virginia for my final 3-month clinical fieldwork assignment, so I had to go down that house-searching road yet again! With no time to go to VA to meet roomies or see places, I had to put my trust in the world wide web again. After panicking multiple times and nearly having my identify thefted (lesson learned... credit checks are NOT a necessity for many good rentals! be skeptical- consider yourself warned!), I found a girl who used as many exclamation points and smilies in her emails as me, had a fashion blog, and loved to run. Perfect. In a similar fashion as two years prior, I showed up at the house on a Saturday night with my car loaded up. We had two other roommates-- two other 20-something guys-- and we all had a BLAST of a summer! I made some of the best friends in that short period-- went to Vegas with one back in October, went up to VA to visit them in February too, and hopefully will be back in May!
Fall 2012: I moved to Charlotte, of course. Now THIS time, I had an abundance of time and free living arrangements (a GOOD college friend I knew in Ohio lives here now with her fiance, and I stayed with them about 3 weeks, paying rent in doing dishes and getting groceries). I went on four potential-roommate dates with people (from Craiglist, surprise) and toured 4 very different living situations, finally settling on an adorable house outside the city, with an easy work commute and a ton of closet space (and super cheap rent), with a 20-something guy. After 5 months of shared cooking, giant projection screen movies, several shared TV favorites and a good buddy to grab a beer or dinner with on a whim, he decided he needed to move to Chicago and sell the house. LAME. This brings us to....
Spring 2013: After being given a 1-month notice I had to find a new place to live, I made a frantic dash for Craigslist yet again and searched and searched and searched! Knowing the city here a little better, I had an idea for what parts of town I wanted to be in, what rent costs would be like and, of course, what exactly I was looking for in a roommate! I still haven't met very many people my age here, so that was definitely on the list, as well as a great location that would be encouraging of fun places to go out to eat, good trails to run, have a dog (maybe), and still get to work easily enough. Everything fell into place this time around! I met several different girls for happy hours or dinners, but eventually decided on the first girl I met (and the feeling was mutual)- same age as me, career-driven, travels a lot (meaning I am living alone about 50% of the time, score!), loves Marshalls and TJ Maxx as much as me, and single and ready to mingle- with all my good friends being either engaged females or dudes, she is SO what I need! She was moving from about 1.5 hour away, so that made the house-searching a little tricky. Luckily, I jumped on a Saturday showing of an adorable townhome rental close to uptown, in our price range and square-footage/closet space range, on a weekend when future-roomie was able to come into town. We immediately fell in love! And probably more important was the fact that we readily AGREED on how much we liked it. That's half the battle! I looked at 3 other places without her around that weekend, but it was the day after that showing that we called the guy and said "we'll take it!" I moved in March 15, and absolutely LOVE the new house. And the new roomie? Fantastic!! Last night we took down Marshall's and then explored the upscale sushi place 3 blocks from the house. Home sweet home! :)
Spring-Summer 2010: I finished up senior year at a tiny college in northern Ohio, and preparing to move to North Carolina to start graduate school. Between June and August, I really wanted to move to NC before school started, so I paid $300 a month for the guest bedroom in the house of a 20-something woman whose nuclear engineering student/former Marine husband was away all summer on some kind of internship/co-op deal... Against my parents' better judgment, I packed up my little Dodge Neon with clothing and blankets, drove 9 hours by myself for the first time ever, met this lady I'd chatted with and emailed from craiglist, and we begun our 2-month sleepover. I had found a promising living setup with a UNC alum who was also preparing to start her grad studies (in Physical Therapy) and had a lot of similar values and wants in a home, so by long-distance (having only talked on the phone or facebook chat), we agreed to be roomies, she gave her good word on an apartment complex and I sent a lease in the mail in March with plans to show up on the doorstep in August just in time for classes. Results: Success! I still keep in touch with both of them (mostly via facebook), had a blast that first summer in NC, and a great intro to Chapel Hill life from a veteran!
School year 2011-2012: This tale is one of incompatibility- but it just goes to show why my creepy internet stalker way works better for good roommate-ships. ;) So I stayed in that apartment another year after the roomie moved out in favor of a quieter home to study-- so the complex paired me with a rando (AND didn't bother to tell me...I was in Ohio when I got a text from a strange number asking if they could rearrange the kitchen... shock!), according to some kind of "roommate matching" profile which resulted in two completely opposite people who barely spoke to each other during the 9 months of our co-habitation. Terrible! She was really a little strange, toooooo quiet to be trusted, 3 years younger than me (a bigger difference in your early twenties than late), did not like to go out or drink, but DID like to have loud sorority friends over on weeknights (I'm a soro girl myself, so I'm all for it-- but keep that stuff to yourselves! No one wants to come home to 8 girls chillin in all black in her living room where she was planning on studying that night...). Anyway, I could go on and on. I had to sublet the last 3 months of my lease, so surprise to her, she got a rando (who I found on craiglist, of course), and I didn't give her any notice. Ha!
Summer 2012: I got placed in Northern Virginia for my final 3-month clinical fieldwork assignment, so I had to go down that house-searching road yet again! With no time to go to VA to meet roomies or see places, I had to put my trust in the world wide web again. After panicking multiple times and nearly having my identify thefted (lesson learned... credit checks are NOT a necessity for many good rentals! be skeptical- consider yourself warned!), I found a girl who used as many exclamation points and smilies in her emails as me, had a fashion blog, and loved to run. Perfect. In a similar fashion as two years prior, I showed up at the house on a Saturday night with my car loaded up. We had two other roommates-- two other 20-something guys-- and we all had a BLAST of a summer! I made some of the best friends in that short period-- went to Vegas with one back in October, went up to VA to visit them in February too, and hopefully will be back in May!
Fall 2012: I moved to Charlotte, of course. Now THIS time, I had an abundance of time and free living arrangements (a GOOD college friend I knew in Ohio lives here now with her fiance, and I stayed with them about 3 weeks, paying rent in doing dishes and getting groceries). I went on four potential-roommate dates with people (from Craiglist, surprise) and toured 4 very different living situations, finally settling on an adorable house outside the city, with an easy work commute and a ton of closet space (and super cheap rent), with a 20-something guy. After 5 months of shared cooking, giant projection screen movies, several shared TV favorites and a good buddy to grab a beer or dinner with on a whim, he decided he needed to move to Chicago and sell the house. LAME. This brings us to....
Spring 2013: After being given a 1-month notice I had to find a new place to live, I made a frantic dash for Craigslist yet again and searched and searched and searched! Knowing the city here a little better, I had an idea for what parts of town I wanted to be in, what rent costs would be like and, of course, what exactly I was looking for in a roommate! I still haven't met very many people my age here, so that was definitely on the list, as well as a great location that would be encouraging of fun places to go out to eat, good trails to run, have a dog (maybe), and still get to work easily enough. Everything fell into place this time around! I met several different girls for happy hours or dinners, but eventually decided on the first girl I met (and the feeling was mutual)- same age as me, career-driven, travels a lot (meaning I am living alone about 50% of the time, score!), loves Marshalls and TJ Maxx as much as me, and single and ready to mingle- with all my good friends being either engaged females or dudes, she is SO what I need! She was moving from about 1.5 hour away, so that made the house-searching a little tricky. Luckily, I jumped on a Saturday showing of an adorable townhome rental close to uptown, in our price range and square-footage/closet space range, on a weekend when future-roomie was able to come into town. We immediately fell in love! And probably more important was the fact that we readily AGREED on how much we liked it. That's half the battle! I looked at 3 other places without her around that weekend, but it was the day after that showing that we called the guy and said "we'll take it!" I moved in March 15, and absolutely LOVE the new house. And the new roomie? Fantastic!! Last night we took down Marshall's and then explored the upscale sushi place 3 blocks from the house. Home sweet home! :)
Thanks Craiglist!
Monday, April 1, 2013
fooling around
I love April Fools Day! I love love love to tease people and be sarcastic and make things up and watch people's reactions... regardless of the day. Working with people with dementia, everyday is April Fool's Day, because I am entering their world, going along with everything they do, and pretending their reality is the right one... and even with my cognitively intact clients, I'm "fooling" them into exercising and getting something majorly therapeutic out of something that seems normal.
BUT AFD gives me free reign to do it ALL DAY to anybody! I LOVE IT! I don't go overboard, by any means, but I like to have a little fun.
My yearly tradition has been to change my facebook relationship status... This used to spark a big reaction, since my friends know me as someone who doesn't mess around in the dating world... to publicly announce a relationship would be a MAJOR deal (actually something I have NEVER done... I choose to keep my personal life OFF of the FB anyway). Well, this year, in light of an actual (though ambiguous) relationship occurring, I decided I needed to take it up a notch so as to not be too close to reality that it's not really a joke. So this morning, I got engaged. No ring, no date set, and I have a feeling that it will be called off in the next couple hours. ;)
Even after changing my status the last few years, I was pretty please with the reaction... allllll day.
Even my friends were talking about it amongst themselves (screenshot courtesy of my friend who joined in the laughs with me!)
Although my favorite goof had to be teasing my "good friend" with some tempting thoughts while he was working hard at the hospital (on his internal medicine rotation)..... we ended up messaging all day and once he caught on to today's date, it left him very sad and disappointed. ;)
SOO I tried to make up for my dishonest actions earlier in the day by sending him this provocative and enticing image ........
which is actually, innocently enough............
a piece of paper.
(Photo/Joke credit: http://www.moillusions.com/2009/07/um-it%E2%80%99s-just-paper-illusion.html)
Anyway, I'm in trouble. He threatened to take away our potential (isn't it always "potential"?) time together in Wilmington this upcoming weekend (where he is on rotation currently), but I have a good feeling he was fooling a bit himself.... As little time as we get with each other, I don't think we can take any of our available "fooling around" time for granted!
Besides that, I got a few good chuckles today at work... especially with one of my memory support ALF residents, who has dementia and is also bipolar, who loves to make up her own songs... we provided a rare and engaging entertainment experience to the very quiet living room at the facility today with two renditions of "Joke of the Day" (original title and lyrics by Ms. W... I provided the hand percussion and backup vocals). Just a day in the life...
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I am a 20-something, "new" occupational therapist working in geriatrics for a large national rehab company, learning to navigate the real world of health care (not the fake one with unlimited time, resources, and overflowing "evidence" like we are taught in school...). I now serve four clinics within 6 months of moving to this new city, and I meet a million wonderful older adults, family members and health care workers every day. I have few friends my age, and even fewer who are connected to the medical field/health care, which is why I love this blog group and cherish the colleagues and friends I can relate with. One of those friends is an amazing and handsome 3rd year medical student whom I care about very much, which just adds to the trickiness of figuring out how that whole "love" thing fits into all of this. And sometimes I just like to write about it. :)
April is Occupational Therapy Month... and even though I should have made this post about that... there will surely be more to come on THAT topic. ;) Leave me a note if you've stopped by- I'd love it, and I'm gonna do my best to get around to as many other hoppers as I can!
B
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