holiday high

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...... I love Christmas time!  Some day I will have children and will want to do all of these things but I just plain won't have the time or energy!  Maybe at that time in my life I will be able to afford to just take two straight months off of work to do Christmas-y things with my family and nothing else.  Maybe not... but I would love every second of it if I could do that. ;)

Recap of holiday festivities this week....

I made bourbon balls and pistachio cranberry bark for a Christmas cookie exchange.  Delicious!  I overheard a couple people say the bourbon balls were their favorite. :)

I shopped and shopped and shopped.  I am officially done-zo with Christmas shopping.  I still have a little bit of crafting to do but I think it is going to be really easy.  I'm going to decorate some onesies for my future nephew, and I need to make 5 more hot cocoa jars for my coworkers for holiday gifts.  Other than waiting on one more thing to arrive at my house, it is all complete!  That's 3 brothers, 3 sisters-in-law and my parents, and my niece = 9 gift recipients!  I don't mind the effort nor spending the money, because I so rarely get to see my family.  We always go all out for family gatherings, especially Christmas.  We don't send birthday gifts to each other, but Christmas is hands-down everybody's favorite holiday, and reason to be together.  If we lived closer to each other, we'd spend a lot more money on dinners out and other things throughout the year... so instead we just do it all at once in a span of 4-5 days!  The boys get clothes this year, the SILs get jewelry, my niece gets a Barbie car (shhhhh....) and I splurged on a Brahmin wallet for my mom (Justifying it as Christmas + birthday).

I think I have an idea of one toy that Santa is bringing me this year but I'll keep that a secret wish for now, in case Santa finds out and puts me on the naughty list for being too greedy...  (Hint: It might make all this baking a little easier next Christmas! Hehe)

I went to another "tacky" party last night, and unofficially won the best outfit (of course!).  I didn't officially participate in the judging, but everybody knows I took the cake. ;)  It's a shame such little effort goes into these outfits!  I spent a grand total of $12 on the materials for my attire this year, and lots of blood, sweat and tears (literally)... including a broken sewing machine needle and a hot glue gun injury.  Totally worth it.

I also made a tacky cheese ball to bring to the party!  It was actually a yummy cheese ball recipe from an old church cook book which my mom snapped a photo and sent me via email. Cream cheese, dried beef, horseradish, Parmesan cheese and stuffed olives. Classic!

Today I baked flourless cookies from this recipe by Real Simple (I will edit with a link later! I promise!). I have numerous friends/coworkers who are gluten-free, and I hate it when I make things that I can't share with them.  I love this recipe because it's gluten-free without trying to be gluten free.  From what I've heard, gluten-free baking is pretty complicated... after all baking is a bunch of chemical and physical reactions, and if you change one aspect of it, it's just not going to be the same.  I don't dare attempt baking gluten-free, but when a recipe just doesn't have flour or wheat products in it to begin with, then it works!  They are super tasty, and I'm taking them to our department holiday luncheon tomorrow, where everyone can enjoy.

Tonight, I'm rounding out the weekend watching Elf in my Christmas PJs, while addressing Christmas cards.

Merry merry merry!

holiday fun

I so wish I could instantly post what is on my mind and what has happened lately and all the pretty pictures to illustrate how much I have been enjoying the first 9 days of December!

My house is decorated to the nines, and I'm already on my third Christmas party of the season, tomorrow night and two Christmas choir concert performances down.  I have made a bacon-cheddar cheese ball, red and green jello shots, homemade hot cocoa mix, bourbon balls, and cranberry pistachio bark!  I've dressed up and dressed down.  I have gone tacky and classy.  I've sewed a tree skirt into a human skirt and fleece into mason-jar coozies and even made my own Christmas hat.  I've strung lights on my porch and on my tree and on my body.  I've even dressed my beer in a festive sweater!

Drinks deserve to dress festively too!

I love this time of year, and I'm super thankful that I have an extra busy social calendar this year thanks to the different organizations I've been involved with and new friends, as well as hobbies like cooking and crafting and decorating.  This time of year it's really easy to feel lonely and sad and miss a potential someone from your past.  A year ago, this time of year was very difficult for me.  I missed old friends, and that old boy (back when there was still potential of it being something again), and I missed my family and I didn't know anyone.  I am proud to say that while I was in my grad school town this past weekend for a party (where that ex-boy lives and still goes to med school/public health school), I had absolutely no temptation of reaching out to him in any way.  I haven't had a free minute since the first of this month to even think about that sort of thing.  While I wish I had a handsome date that were as gung-ho about parties as I am, it is one less responsibility, and instead I get to focus on having a really cute outfit and baking yummy treats for my friends!

More pictures and recipes and crafty things to come-- hope you all are enjoying your holiday season as well!  I don't want it to end!

Homemade coozie (an original design!) + homemade hot cocoa (pinterest-inspired) + Baileys (of course)

november occupations

November was a great month!  It deserves multiple posts, but I got lazy because I was keeping super busy.  Here are a few highlights from the last month of being a 20-something single girl...

In early November, I switched my front door decor to Thanksgiving with this pilgrim hanging from TJ Maxx for $4.  I love holidays!

My welcoming entrance

Summer boxes turned into fall pots with lingering purple sweet potato vine, yellow + orange mums and mini pumpkins

November 8, I went to my grandmother's for a weekend, supervised while she blew the leaves out of her driveway, and drove her through the gorgeous mountains to Highlands for a day trip.

Do you know any other 89 year old ladies who do this?

Trying on furs in a mountain shop

November 12, I bonded with a couple of new friends over a couple bottles of wine... I haven't laughed that hard in a loooong time.

New friends!

Throughout the month, I made several amazing delicious recipes, including Eggplant Parmesan Lasagna (from Southern Living), Cauliflower soup (from the Pioneer Woman), Corn Pudding (from Southern Living), Pecan Bars (from my late grandmother's recipe box), and Cranberry Salsa with Sweet Potato Chips (from Coastal Living).  I've had so much fun learning more about cooking this month!

Cauliflower Soup in pre-stages - It smelled amazing!

Eggplant Parmesan Lasagna - This was a LOT of work

Corn Pudding with Goat Cheese and Basil (Amaziiiing!) and Yummy Pecan Bars

November 22, I played hookie from work and drove to Ohio, desperate for some hometown fall flavor, bonding with my parents, and a Friendsgiving celebration with some high school friends, since I was going to be working throughout Thanksgiving week.

Me and my two high school "BFFs" - with accidentally coordinating outfits

Our anthro-inspired tablescape with antique crocheted linens, silver candlesticks and party crackers.

About the bad karma from playing hookie..... I totally got a speeding ticket going 78/60 through Nowhereland, Ohio, 5 hours into my 8.5 hour drive.  Bummer!

I had the privilege of working this Thanksgiving and serving 11 patients with fun therapy sessions and a smiling face.  There is a different feeling in the air at a nursing home on a holiday.  It is a little calmer, employees are a little more friendly and patients are a little more excited to have some attention.  Of course for others, they are wondering why they can't get "one day off" from therapy...  I really don't mind working holidays when I don't have anything I am missing because of it... in fact the day went by sooo fast and practically nothing went wrong! That says a lot about the attitude you have when you start work on non-holidays. :)

My version of watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade....

Probably half of my caseload that day were patients/residents who weren't getting to see their family until the evening (and so were along all day), or weren't going to see any family at all.  Many just stayed in bed all day.  My second patient of the day, around 8:00am, was obviously not doing too well when she hadn't touched her breakfast, could not form a sentence and was not responding to any commands.  None of my therapy team had arrived and no nursing personnel were anywhere to be found (per usual in our facility, as we are very short staffed).  Thankfully, my PT colleagues got there shortly after, and I pulled them into the room.  They agreed with my assessment that she needed more medical attention.  Within 30 minutes, this lady ended up being taken to the hospital.  With such small staff, especially on the holiday, I wonder what could have happened to this lady had we not intervened that early in the morning.  (I haven't heard an update about her condition since Thursday...)

Thanksgiving night, I came home and reheated a few leftovers from Ohio Friendsgiving and cooked a chicken breast.  I tore down all my fall decor, threw out my pumpkins and packed up my cornocopia.  Out came the Christmas decor, and on came the holiday music!  (More to come...)  By 7:00, most of my decorations were up, dinner was cleaned up, and I was caught up with my shows on Hulu/Netflix.  So I waited for 8:00 when Target opened and went shopping in the craziness... that was very interesting.

Thanksgiving for 1.

The best part of Thanksgiving night, however, was a phone call from my big brother to announce that he and his wife are expecting a baby boy in May!  Sooooo excited for a little guy being added to our big fam!

Among other November occupations included lots and LOTS of shopping (although not so much buying...), several shifts of volunteering at the thrift store, lots of fun phone calls with Mom planning for Thanksgiving/Christmas (it's never too early...), singing in the choir (rehearsals/Sunday mornings), and finding out that my official PRN job offer at the Orthopedic Hospital is going to be coming my way any time now.

November was pretty good to me and I'm so excited for my one of my very favorite months of the year!  Much to look forward to, and lots of pretty pictures to post!  Cheers!

back to the drawing board...

Soooo by my countdowns that I started several weeks ago, I should be putting in my resignation tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the day I officially get paid all my unused vacation/sick days back to me (about 2 weeks worth of straight up pay-- which is of course going straight to my savings slash student loans...)... those little bonuses are nice reminders/motivation to deal with some of the stuff I deal with...

Tomorrow was also the day I was supposed to have my new job offer officially ready to go and signed so that I'd have a place to go into work 3 weeks from now.

But, today, I got the voicemail I had been waiting for for WEEKS, an official answer to my next steps in the job world.  But it was not exactly the answer I wanted...

"Hey B, this is Anne calling from the Pediatric Clinic.  I'm sorry it's taken a little longer to get back to you.  I wanted to give you a call and let you know that we received another application last Thursday from another therapist who does have experience in pediatrics, so we got her in for an interview right away.  While we think you are great and would be a great addition to the team, we decided to offer her the full-time position at this time.  Unfortunately we don't have the caseload to support two therapists so we weren't able to take you both, but we were impressed with you and hope you'll keep us in mind in the future, maybe in the Spring if our caseload grows more and you're still looking......." and blah blah blah.

Sooooo so so so so so disappointing.  I know they say, don't count your chickens before the hatch... but these chickens were wobbling and moving and the shells were cracking!  I was really counting on them!

Now, I would NEVER have submitted my resignation before having an official, signed contract with a new employer... but I am just disappointed, because I also just REALLY wanted the pleasure of flipping the bird to my company after all they have put me through this year.

I am still looking for a job, but the length of my search so far has made me realize that I really can't just jump right into the first thing I find just because I'm frustrated and want to leave my company...... but that just means it's going to take longer until I can officially move on.

I guess that also means I'm working Thanksgiving........ boo. :(

one year down

In honor of medical mondays and my one-year anniversary of being an occupational therapist, I tweaked my blog title to take away the word "new" and just leave... "therapist".

I'm no longer the new grad/new hire/novice/beginner.  I am a full blown occupational therapist, calling the shots with assessments and goals and barely needing to stop and ask a question, supervising the assistants with confidence and motivation, and holding my own to represent OT in meetings with other therapists and run-ins with the scarce docs, and most of all just the plain old making patients' lives a little better. 

I'm also doing paperwork out the wazooooo and sitting behind a computer 90% of the day........ Because I supervise several COTAs, I'm stuck doing orders, evals, progress reports, recertifications, discharges and G-codes for a caseload equivalent of 3-4 therapists.  I don't really get my own caseload anymore-- the COTAs treat, and then I pop in every 10 visits/30 days to talk to them and "observe their progress" from behind a laptop.  It mostly consists of sifting through pages of typed notes of OT jargon and trying to sift out the real meat and determine where they are and where they are going with the fab five-- dressing, grooming, bathing, toileting and feeding.  And THAT is reeeally hard to do in 30 minutes!

My problem is, when I haven't seen my patient in 10 visits and then I see them and I find out how much progress they made, I can't help but be so excited just to see them in the first place, then catch up with how they are doing, and celebrate their achievements a little bit... that makes it really hard to get the paperwork done.  I also can't STAND to sit in front of a patient typing away and pretending to listen to their story... or worse, sit in total silence except for the click-click-click of my fingers and mouse.

I have too much personality and energy and compassion to be a paper-pusher.
This just isn't for me.  I want to put down the laptop, and the i-touch devices, and the paper and pen.  I want to have both my hands free to work hands-on with the patients, and I want my whole mind free to really get to know them and observe and get in their world so that I can do an even better job of helping them meet their goals for independence and a lot of the time, going HOME.

I officially made it one year in my job and I am really proud of my accomplishment... but sadly, the dream job I thought I was getting myself into a year ago did not turn out to be that way.

It is so hard to be a good therapist from behind a laptop.  I don't feel that my skills as a therapist are growing anymore and my excitement for patients isn't there because I can't make the same connections when all my attention is on paperwork and productivity.  I just can't do it anymore.

I was really hoping that I would have good news to share today about a new job...  but it is still in the pipeline.  I have been a candidate for a pediatrics job that has been looking VERY hopeful...  I last spoke with the therapist that interviewed me, one week ago, when she said she'd be in touch with an offer by the end of the week...  still waiting.  If I get my offer and have it signed this week, I will be putting in my resignation on Friday, according to my very carefully planned out calendar!  I am really hoping everything works out with the timing.  (Not-so-secretly I was planning to have the week of Thanksgiving off completely in between the two jobs, so hopefully this all goes as planned!).

You can be sure I'll be posting with any potential job updates! :)

 

Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?

Work is CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY.  Just when I think I'm getting ahead, I discover a handful of things that I'm behind on.
As I was venting to mom tonight, who has had an equally stressful few weeks with her own job, I shared that I really think I have the single worst OT job in the U.S. right now... haha.  Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I really think I definitely have the worst OT job in my company.  I don't see any other therapists busting their butt as much as me, with as large of a caseload and as many documents due.  I don't see any other therapist dragging a laptop with them to every patient room, "trying" to make the most of every moment (when in actuality I probably lose more time between dying batteries and software errors).  That is because I'm one of 2 OTRs who are serving two humongous caseloads and supervising 6 COTAs.

The thing that I really still can't get over, is that this company ACTUALLY thinks I would be able to do this job in 8 hours.  I am an hourly employee, it's technically illegal for me to work "off the clock" -- but impossible to avoid it when you genuinely want to get all this work done.  I've "officially" clocked about 20 hours between the last two days... but unofficially, I have actually been at work about 23 hours between today and yesterday, not including lunch.  And just forget about productivity... I'm barely just getting the work completed!

Thank GOD I'm not stuck in an office or having to do all of these things remotely-- being able to share with patients the progress they've made, and collaborate on setting new goals, and encourage them through a difficult one, is pretty dang rewarding.  Rushed as it is, but still fun for me.  I wish I got to follow up with patients more than I get to, but such is the life of being a paper pusher.  At least I'm a really nice and fun and happy paper pusher-- or so my once-every-two-weeks patients tell me!

Tomorrow is another 6am paperwork day... which, I'm sure by the time my first scheduled patient treatment rolls around at 7:00, I probably STILL won't have my 7 unfinished visit notes logged from Monday... or my G-code documents from last Friday... or my expense reports for the last 3 weeks.  Oh hell...

Still, there is something invigorating about walking out my front door at 5:30 in the morning and thinking "Screw all you lazy bastards still asleep in your beds... I'm gonna kill this today and be home before the sun goes down!"  But then by about 4:00, when I realize I still have hours of work left to do, that feeling is long gone... and I long for a new one...

The feeling of my head hitting the pillow.

That, and not wearing pants.

Because it just feels sooooooo good when I stop...

overcoming

My amazing four-day weekend away from work last weekend gave me lots of time to be alone with my thoughts, do some soul searching and reflecting and refocus my energy.  I am amazed at how much differently I feel this Wednesday night compared to last Wednesday night compared to the one before.  Tonight, I felt an overwhelming since of relief and calm and contentment about my life, after a few events that have happened over the last week.

First, now that I feel that there is a very promising and exciting job prospect in the wings, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  I have felt happier at work this week, and happier in the evenings as well.  I have rolled with the punches a little more this week and had some really positive patient and colleague interactions.  I feel like I am beginning to have closure on this whole experience and am reflecting more on what I've learned and gained and how I have changed, and much less on how much I hate the work demands (the ones outside the patient care, that is).

Second, the friendship with me and the ex-boy has really not been working out, and it finally came to a head over the weekend.  I have been really unhappy lately, and I have not been shy about letting him know about my work stress and loneliness (although only when he asks "How are you", etc.)  Maybe it's because girls are more talkative or maybe it's because I didn't notice before that he's boring and not good at carrying conversation, but I started to realize that the conversations we were having were very one-sided.  It was always a lot of me talking  and ranting and a lot of him making generic active-listening statements... "Yeah".

I feel like if I had a close friend who was constantly a downer, I would say things like "Well, did anything good happen this week?" or "Do you have any funny patient stories or quotes?"  I would anticipate negativity and ask a happier question like "Have you heard anything more on those new jobs you were looking at?" or follow up about things they mentioned before, "How did that stressful coworker situation end up turning out?"  He surely had details to go off of (Lord knows I have no word limit).  But instead I got "Well then don't be so stressed" or "You need to go out more and make friends  (That is not actually helpful advice, but thanks for the half-assed effort), or "I know what you're going through" (No you don't) and so fourth.  I also felt like when I did have something good or exciting to share, that I didn't want to tell him because he didn't deserve to hear about it or be a part of my joy.

And so maybe I have been subconsciously pushing that "friendship" (i.e. consolation prize) away by being somewhat negative, but also maybe it just finally needed to happen... when it comes down to it, we are just not all that compatible.  He wasn't able to support me when I was low and I didn't want to share in my joys-- so how can that possibly be functional?  Either way, he brought up that it bugged him I was always upset and complaining, so I rebutted with, give me a break because my life is difficult right now and I don't complain all that much and when I try to make other conversation I get no better response from him and blah blah blah.  Anyway, ultimately we agreed that interacting wasn't positive for either of us any longer.

What he doesn't know and I didn't mention is that I would still bawl my eyes out nearly every time I heard from him, which was about once or twice a week (and usually on the weekend when I am at my peak loneliness and low on distractions (i.e. work)).  My emotion was in part because I was genuinely sad and missed what we had (even if I was half-blind at the time) and in part because I was so disappointed in the mediocre friendship-support I was getting-- and that I felt like I had no one else.  So, I feel like a weight was lifted there as well.

Third, after a whole year in this lovely city, I think I have finally found a real friend!  That sounds a little bit pathetic...  I do have friends and have had them all along, and I have some people who are in my contacts list who could potentially be friends but I never actually see them, and I did have a good friend who moved away to Chicago (my old roommate)..... but I just hadn't found anyone who I really clicked with as a friend and feel like they enjoy hanging out with me as much as I enjoy being around them.  With the service organization I got involved with, one of the first girls I met was another single 20-something who was joining the same time as me for the same reasons.  We met for drinks a couple times at the beginning, and then kinda tapered off.  Then we'd always run into each other at the meetings and end up chatting.  The last couple of weekends, we have hung out multiple times... and had a lot of fun!  AND made plans for the weekends ahead too.  We even spontaneously grabbed lunch last week and carpooled to one of the service events together.  I have felt like such a reject that I have had a hard time making friends here and like I'm missing out on my 20s because I'm always flying solo... so it is actually really exciting that I MADE A FRIEND.  :)

Fourth, after months of waiting and wondering and giving up and then wondering agaiiiin, I finally heard from the rehab manager at the orthopedic hospital this week!  Just this evening he called me, and let me know that they are very interested in hiring me on board (it will be PRN, weekends only) and he is going to have HR contact me very soon!  I am THRILLED!  I am a little nervous about the timing of everything with resigning my current position and taking on the other new job, and being able to work in day off for orientation to the hospital, BUT.... I am just going to worry about all of that later!

Nothing is 100% set in stone yet, but it is SO nice to have some things to look forward to again...

Soooo... to refresh my countdown:

23 days until my unsused vacation pay appears in my account (this is going to be about two weeks worth of pay... (granted at a lower pay rate and only 6 standard hours per day but still)  CHA CHING!)

26 days until I officially give my resignation (they will not pay unused vacation if someone has put in their resignation... so I'm being very very careful to make sure I get every last penny!)

37 days (?) until my last day with this company.

43 days until Thanksgiving, maybe my first real holiday OFF FROM WORK. God I hope so.

48 days until the day I told the pediatric clinic I'd be willing to start.

No turning back.