holiday high

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...... I love Christmas time!  Some day I will have children and will want to do all of these things but I just plain won't have the time or energy!  Maybe at that time in my life I will be able to afford to just take two straight months off of work to do Christmas-y things with my family and nothing else.  Maybe not... but I would love every second of it if I could do that. ;)

Recap of holiday festivities this week....

I made bourbon balls and pistachio cranberry bark for a Christmas cookie exchange.  Delicious!  I overheard a couple people say the bourbon balls were their favorite. :)

I shopped and shopped and shopped.  I am officially done-zo with Christmas shopping.  I still have a little bit of crafting to do but I think it is going to be really easy.  I'm going to decorate some onesies for my future nephew, and I need to make 5 more hot cocoa jars for my coworkers for holiday gifts.  Other than waiting on one more thing to arrive at my house, it is all complete!  That's 3 brothers, 3 sisters-in-law and my parents, and my niece = 9 gift recipients!  I don't mind the effort nor spending the money, because I so rarely get to see my family.  We always go all out for family gatherings, especially Christmas.  We don't send birthday gifts to each other, but Christmas is hands-down everybody's favorite holiday, and reason to be together.  If we lived closer to each other, we'd spend a lot more money on dinners out and other things throughout the year... so instead we just do it all at once in a span of 4-5 days!  The boys get clothes this year, the SILs get jewelry, my niece gets a Barbie car (shhhhh....) and I splurged on a Brahmin wallet for my mom (Justifying it as Christmas + birthday).

I think I have an idea of one toy that Santa is bringing me this year but I'll keep that a secret wish for now, in case Santa finds out and puts me on the naughty list for being too greedy...  (Hint: It might make all this baking a little easier next Christmas! Hehe)

I went to another "tacky" party last night, and unofficially won the best outfit (of course!).  I didn't officially participate in the judging, but everybody knows I took the cake. ;)  It's a shame such little effort goes into these outfits!  I spent a grand total of $12 on the materials for my attire this year, and lots of blood, sweat and tears (literally)... including a broken sewing machine needle and a hot glue gun injury.  Totally worth it.

I also made a tacky cheese ball to bring to the party!  It was actually a yummy cheese ball recipe from an old church cook book which my mom snapped a photo and sent me via email. Cream cheese, dried beef, horseradish, Parmesan cheese and stuffed olives. Classic!

Today I baked flourless cookies from this recipe by Real Simple (I will edit with a link later! I promise!). I have numerous friends/coworkers who are gluten-free, and I hate it when I make things that I can't share with them.  I love this recipe because it's gluten-free without trying to be gluten free.  From what I've heard, gluten-free baking is pretty complicated... after all baking is a bunch of chemical and physical reactions, and if you change one aspect of it, it's just not going to be the same.  I don't dare attempt baking gluten-free, but when a recipe just doesn't have flour or wheat products in it to begin with, then it works!  They are super tasty, and I'm taking them to our department holiday luncheon tomorrow, where everyone can enjoy.

Tonight, I'm rounding out the weekend watching Elf in my Christmas PJs, while addressing Christmas cards.

Merry merry merry!

holiday fun

I so wish I could instantly post what is on my mind and what has happened lately and all the pretty pictures to illustrate how much I have been enjoying the first 9 days of December!

My house is decorated to the nines, and I'm already on my third Christmas party of the season, tomorrow night and two Christmas choir concert performances down.  I have made a bacon-cheddar cheese ball, red and green jello shots, homemade hot cocoa mix, bourbon balls, and cranberry pistachio bark!  I've dressed up and dressed down.  I have gone tacky and classy.  I've sewed a tree skirt into a human skirt and fleece into mason-jar coozies and even made my own Christmas hat.  I've strung lights on my porch and on my tree and on my body.  I've even dressed my beer in a festive sweater!

Drinks deserve to dress festively too!

I love this time of year, and I'm super thankful that I have an extra busy social calendar this year thanks to the different organizations I've been involved with and new friends, as well as hobbies like cooking and crafting and decorating.  This time of year it's really easy to feel lonely and sad and miss a potential someone from your past.  A year ago, this time of year was very difficult for me.  I missed old friends, and that old boy (back when there was still potential of it being something again), and I missed my family and I didn't know anyone.  I am proud to say that while I was in my grad school town this past weekend for a party (where that ex-boy lives and still goes to med school/public health school), I had absolutely no temptation of reaching out to him in any way.  I haven't had a free minute since the first of this month to even think about that sort of thing.  While I wish I had a handsome date that were as gung-ho about parties as I am, it is one less responsibility, and instead I get to focus on having a really cute outfit and baking yummy treats for my friends!

More pictures and recipes and crafty things to come-- hope you all are enjoying your holiday season as well!  I don't want it to end!

Homemade coozie (an original design!) + homemade hot cocoa (pinterest-inspired) + Baileys (of course)

november occupations

November was a great month!  It deserves multiple posts, but I got lazy because I was keeping super busy.  Here are a few highlights from the last month of being a 20-something single girl...

In early November, I switched my front door decor to Thanksgiving with this pilgrim hanging from TJ Maxx for $4.  I love holidays!

My welcoming entrance

Summer boxes turned into fall pots with lingering purple sweet potato vine, yellow + orange mums and mini pumpkins

November 8, I went to my grandmother's for a weekend, supervised while she blew the leaves out of her driveway, and drove her through the gorgeous mountains to Highlands for a day trip.

Do you know any other 89 year old ladies who do this?

Trying on furs in a mountain shop

November 12, I bonded with a couple of new friends over a couple bottles of wine... I haven't laughed that hard in a loooong time.

New friends!

Throughout the month, I made several amazing delicious recipes, including Eggplant Parmesan Lasagna (from Southern Living), Cauliflower soup (from the Pioneer Woman), Corn Pudding (from Southern Living), Pecan Bars (from my late grandmother's recipe box), and Cranberry Salsa with Sweet Potato Chips (from Coastal Living).  I've had so much fun learning more about cooking this month!

Cauliflower Soup in pre-stages - It smelled amazing!

Eggplant Parmesan Lasagna - This was a LOT of work

Corn Pudding with Goat Cheese and Basil (Amaziiiing!) and Yummy Pecan Bars

November 22, I played hookie from work and drove to Ohio, desperate for some hometown fall flavor, bonding with my parents, and a Friendsgiving celebration with some high school friends, since I was going to be working throughout Thanksgiving week.

Me and my two high school "BFFs" - with accidentally coordinating outfits

Our anthro-inspired tablescape with antique crocheted linens, silver candlesticks and party crackers.

About the bad karma from playing hookie..... I totally got a speeding ticket going 78/60 through Nowhereland, Ohio, 5 hours into my 8.5 hour drive.  Bummer!

I had the privilege of working this Thanksgiving and serving 11 patients with fun therapy sessions and a smiling face.  There is a different feeling in the air at a nursing home on a holiday.  It is a little calmer, employees are a little more friendly and patients are a little more excited to have some attention.  Of course for others, they are wondering why they can't get "one day off" from therapy...  I really don't mind working holidays when I don't have anything I am missing because of it... in fact the day went by sooo fast and practically nothing went wrong! That says a lot about the attitude you have when you start work on non-holidays. :)

My version of watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade....

Probably half of my caseload that day were patients/residents who weren't getting to see their family until the evening (and so were along all day), or weren't going to see any family at all.  Many just stayed in bed all day.  My second patient of the day, around 8:00am, was obviously not doing too well when she hadn't touched her breakfast, could not form a sentence and was not responding to any commands.  None of my therapy team had arrived and no nursing personnel were anywhere to be found (per usual in our facility, as we are very short staffed).  Thankfully, my PT colleagues got there shortly after, and I pulled them into the room.  They agreed with my assessment that she needed more medical attention.  Within 30 minutes, this lady ended up being taken to the hospital.  With such small staff, especially on the holiday, I wonder what could have happened to this lady had we not intervened that early in the morning.  (I haven't heard an update about her condition since Thursday...)

Thanksgiving night, I came home and reheated a few leftovers from Ohio Friendsgiving and cooked a chicken breast.  I tore down all my fall decor, threw out my pumpkins and packed up my cornocopia.  Out came the Christmas decor, and on came the holiday music!  (More to come...)  By 7:00, most of my decorations were up, dinner was cleaned up, and I was caught up with my shows on Hulu/Netflix.  So I waited for 8:00 when Target opened and went shopping in the craziness... that was very interesting.

Thanksgiving for 1.

The best part of Thanksgiving night, however, was a phone call from my big brother to announce that he and his wife are expecting a baby boy in May!  Sooooo excited for a little guy being added to our big fam!

Among other November occupations included lots and LOTS of shopping (although not so much buying...), several shifts of volunteering at the thrift store, lots of fun phone calls with Mom planning for Thanksgiving/Christmas (it's never too early...), singing in the choir (rehearsals/Sunday mornings), and finding out that my official PRN job offer at the Orthopedic Hospital is going to be coming my way any time now.

November was pretty good to me and I'm so excited for my one of my very favorite months of the year!  Much to look forward to, and lots of pretty pictures to post!  Cheers!

back to the drawing board...

Soooo by my countdowns that I started several weeks ago, I should be putting in my resignation tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the day I officially get paid all my unused vacation/sick days back to me (about 2 weeks worth of straight up pay-- which is of course going straight to my savings slash student loans...)... those little bonuses are nice reminders/motivation to deal with some of the stuff I deal with...

Tomorrow was also the day I was supposed to have my new job offer officially ready to go and signed so that I'd have a place to go into work 3 weeks from now.

But, today, I got the voicemail I had been waiting for for WEEKS, an official answer to my next steps in the job world.  But it was not exactly the answer I wanted...

"Hey B, this is Anne calling from the Pediatric Clinic.  I'm sorry it's taken a little longer to get back to you.  I wanted to give you a call and let you know that we received another application last Thursday from another therapist who does have experience in pediatrics, so we got her in for an interview right away.  While we think you are great and would be a great addition to the team, we decided to offer her the full-time position at this time.  Unfortunately we don't have the caseload to support two therapists so we weren't able to take you both, but we were impressed with you and hope you'll keep us in mind in the future, maybe in the Spring if our caseload grows more and you're still looking......." and blah blah blah.

Sooooo so so so so so disappointing.  I know they say, don't count your chickens before the hatch... but these chickens were wobbling and moving and the shells were cracking!  I was really counting on them!

Now, I would NEVER have submitted my resignation before having an official, signed contract with a new employer... but I am just disappointed, because I also just REALLY wanted the pleasure of flipping the bird to my company after all they have put me through this year.

I am still looking for a job, but the length of my search so far has made me realize that I really can't just jump right into the first thing I find just because I'm frustrated and want to leave my company...... but that just means it's going to take longer until I can officially move on.

I guess that also means I'm working Thanksgiving........ boo. :(

one year down

In honor of medical mondays and my one-year anniversary of being an occupational therapist, I tweaked my blog title to take away the word "new" and just leave... "therapist".

I'm no longer the new grad/new hire/novice/beginner.  I am a full blown occupational therapist, calling the shots with assessments and goals and barely needing to stop and ask a question, supervising the assistants with confidence and motivation, and holding my own to represent OT in meetings with other therapists and run-ins with the scarce docs, and most of all just the plain old making patients' lives a little better. 

I'm also doing paperwork out the wazooooo and sitting behind a computer 90% of the day........ Because I supervise several COTAs, I'm stuck doing orders, evals, progress reports, recertifications, discharges and G-codes for a caseload equivalent of 3-4 therapists.  I don't really get my own caseload anymore-- the COTAs treat, and then I pop in every 10 visits/30 days to talk to them and "observe their progress" from behind a laptop.  It mostly consists of sifting through pages of typed notes of OT jargon and trying to sift out the real meat and determine where they are and where they are going with the fab five-- dressing, grooming, bathing, toileting and feeding.  And THAT is reeeally hard to do in 30 minutes!

My problem is, when I haven't seen my patient in 10 visits and then I see them and I find out how much progress they made, I can't help but be so excited just to see them in the first place, then catch up with how they are doing, and celebrate their achievements a little bit... that makes it really hard to get the paperwork done.  I also can't STAND to sit in front of a patient typing away and pretending to listen to their story... or worse, sit in total silence except for the click-click-click of my fingers and mouse.

I have too much personality and energy and compassion to be a paper-pusher.
This just isn't for me.  I want to put down the laptop, and the i-touch devices, and the paper and pen.  I want to have both my hands free to work hands-on with the patients, and I want my whole mind free to really get to know them and observe and get in their world so that I can do an even better job of helping them meet their goals for independence and a lot of the time, going HOME.

I officially made it one year in my job and I am really proud of my accomplishment... but sadly, the dream job I thought I was getting myself into a year ago did not turn out to be that way.

It is so hard to be a good therapist from behind a laptop.  I don't feel that my skills as a therapist are growing anymore and my excitement for patients isn't there because I can't make the same connections when all my attention is on paperwork and productivity.  I just can't do it anymore.

I was really hoping that I would have good news to share today about a new job...  but it is still in the pipeline.  I have been a candidate for a pediatrics job that has been looking VERY hopeful...  I last spoke with the therapist that interviewed me, one week ago, when she said she'd be in touch with an offer by the end of the week...  still waiting.  If I get my offer and have it signed this week, I will be putting in my resignation on Friday, according to my very carefully planned out calendar!  I am really hoping everything works out with the timing.  (Not-so-secretly I was planning to have the week of Thanksgiving off completely in between the two jobs, so hopefully this all goes as planned!).

You can be sure I'll be posting with any potential job updates! :)

 

Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?

Work is CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY.  Just when I think I'm getting ahead, I discover a handful of things that I'm behind on.
As I was venting to mom tonight, who has had an equally stressful few weeks with her own job, I shared that I really think I have the single worst OT job in the U.S. right now... haha.  Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I really think I definitely have the worst OT job in my company.  I don't see any other therapists busting their butt as much as me, with as large of a caseload and as many documents due.  I don't see any other therapist dragging a laptop with them to every patient room, "trying" to make the most of every moment (when in actuality I probably lose more time between dying batteries and software errors).  That is because I'm one of 2 OTRs who are serving two humongous caseloads and supervising 6 COTAs.

The thing that I really still can't get over, is that this company ACTUALLY thinks I would be able to do this job in 8 hours.  I am an hourly employee, it's technically illegal for me to work "off the clock" -- but impossible to avoid it when you genuinely want to get all this work done.  I've "officially" clocked about 20 hours between the last two days... but unofficially, I have actually been at work about 23 hours between today and yesterday, not including lunch.  And just forget about productivity... I'm barely just getting the work completed!

Thank GOD I'm not stuck in an office or having to do all of these things remotely-- being able to share with patients the progress they've made, and collaborate on setting new goals, and encourage them through a difficult one, is pretty dang rewarding.  Rushed as it is, but still fun for me.  I wish I got to follow up with patients more than I get to, but such is the life of being a paper pusher.  At least I'm a really nice and fun and happy paper pusher-- or so my once-every-two-weeks patients tell me!

Tomorrow is another 6am paperwork day... which, I'm sure by the time my first scheduled patient treatment rolls around at 7:00, I probably STILL won't have my 7 unfinished visit notes logged from Monday... or my G-code documents from last Friday... or my expense reports for the last 3 weeks.  Oh hell...

Still, there is something invigorating about walking out my front door at 5:30 in the morning and thinking "Screw all you lazy bastards still asleep in your beds... I'm gonna kill this today and be home before the sun goes down!"  But then by about 4:00, when I realize I still have hours of work left to do, that feeling is long gone... and I long for a new one...

The feeling of my head hitting the pillow.

That, and not wearing pants.

Because it just feels sooooooo good when I stop...

overcoming

My amazing four-day weekend away from work last weekend gave me lots of time to be alone with my thoughts, do some soul searching and reflecting and refocus my energy.  I am amazed at how much differently I feel this Wednesday night compared to last Wednesday night compared to the one before.  Tonight, I felt an overwhelming since of relief and calm and contentment about my life, after a few events that have happened over the last week.

First, now that I feel that there is a very promising and exciting job prospect in the wings, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  I have felt happier at work this week, and happier in the evenings as well.  I have rolled with the punches a little more this week and had some really positive patient and colleague interactions.  I feel like I am beginning to have closure on this whole experience and am reflecting more on what I've learned and gained and how I have changed, and much less on how much I hate the work demands (the ones outside the patient care, that is).

Second, the friendship with me and the ex-boy has really not been working out, and it finally came to a head over the weekend.  I have been really unhappy lately, and I have not been shy about letting him know about my work stress and loneliness (although only when he asks "How are you", etc.)  Maybe it's because girls are more talkative or maybe it's because I didn't notice before that he's boring and not good at carrying conversation, but I started to realize that the conversations we were having were very one-sided.  It was always a lot of me talking  and ranting and a lot of him making generic active-listening statements... "Yeah".

I feel like if I had a close friend who was constantly a downer, I would say things like "Well, did anything good happen this week?" or "Do you have any funny patient stories or quotes?"  I would anticipate negativity and ask a happier question like "Have you heard anything more on those new jobs you were looking at?" or follow up about things they mentioned before, "How did that stressful coworker situation end up turning out?"  He surely had details to go off of (Lord knows I have no word limit).  But instead I got "Well then don't be so stressed" or "You need to go out more and make friends  (That is not actually helpful advice, but thanks for the half-assed effort), or "I know what you're going through" (No you don't) and so fourth.  I also felt like when I did have something good or exciting to share, that I didn't want to tell him because he didn't deserve to hear about it or be a part of my joy.

And so maybe I have been subconsciously pushing that "friendship" (i.e. consolation prize) away by being somewhat negative, but also maybe it just finally needed to happen... when it comes down to it, we are just not all that compatible.  He wasn't able to support me when I was low and I didn't want to share in my joys-- so how can that possibly be functional?  Either way, he brought up that it bugged him I was always upset and complaining, so I rebutted with, give me a break because my life is difficult right now and I don't complain all that much and when I try to make other conversation I get no better response from him and blah blah blah.  Anyway, ultimately we agreed that interacting wasn't positive for either of us any longer.

What he doesn't know and I didn't mention is that I would still bawl my eyes out nearly every time I heard from him, which was about once or twice a week (and usually on the weekend when I am at my peak loneliness and low on distractions (i.e. work)).  My emotion was in part because I was genuinely sad and missed what we had (even if I was half-blind at the time) and in part because I was so disappointed in the mediocre friendship-support I was getting-- and that I felt like I had no one else.  So, I feel like a weight was lifted there as well.

Third, after a whole year in this lovely city, I think I have finally found a real friend!  That sounds a little bit pathetic...  I do have friends and have had them all along, and I have some people who are in my contacts list who could potentially be friends but I never actually see them, and I did have a good friend who moved away to Chicago (my old roommate)..... but I just hadn't found anyone who I really clicked with as a friend and feel like they enjoy hanging out with me as much as I enjoy being around them.  With the service organization I got involved with, one of the first girls I met was another single 20-something who was joining the same time as me for the same reasons.  We met for drinks a couple times at the beginning, and then kinda tapered off.  Then we'd always run into each other at the meetings and end up chatting.  The last couple of weekends, we have hung out multiple times... and had a lot of fun!  AND made plans for the weekends ahead too.  We even spontaneously grabbed lunch last week and carpooled to one of the service events together.  I have felt like such a reject that I have had a hard time making friends here and like I'm missing out on my 20s because I'm always flying solo... so it is actually really exciting that I MADE A FRIEND.  :)

Fourth, after months of waiting and wondering and giving up and then wondering agaiiiin, I finally heard from the rehab manager at the orthopedic hospital this week!  Just this evening he called me, and let me know that they are very interested in hiring me on board (it will be PRN, weekends only) and he is going to have HR contact me very soon!  I am THRILLED!  I am a little nervous about the timing of everything with resigning my current position and taking on the other new job, and being able to work in day off for orientation to the hospital, BUT.... I am just going to worry about all of that later!

Nothing is 100% set in stone yet, but it is SO nice to have some things to look forward to again...

Soooo... to refresh my countdown:

23 days until my unsused vacation pay appears in my account (this is going to be about two weeks worth of pay... (granted at a lower pay rate and only 6 standard hours per day but still)  CHA CHING!)

26 days until I officially give my resignation (they will not pay unused vacation if someone has put in their resignation... so I'm being very very careful to make sure I get every last penny!)

37 days (?) until my last day with this company.

43 days until Thanksgiving, maybe my first real holiday OFF FROM WORK. God I hope so.

48 days until the day I told the pediatric clinic I'd be willing to start.

No turning back.

a good kind of stress

I just got to enjoy four lovely days in a row off from work.  It has been wonderful!  I got my hair cut, went to lunch with a new friend, shopped the Columbus Day sales at the mall, and slept a LOT.

Friday, I shadowed/observed at a pediatric therapy clinic where I'd had an interview a few weeks ago.  The OT/supervisor that interviewed me welcomed me with open arms Friday morning.  Leading up to Friday, I was pretty excited just to learn what this outpatient pediatric thing was all about... I wasn't sure what I would think or whether it was actually going to lead to a job, but I knew it would at least be a good learning opportunity.  It really boosted my confidence when my interview-er introduced me to the other therapists... "This is B.  She is an OT in geriatrics but she's thinking of switching... she has a really great personality!"  I guess I made a good impression!

Since she didn't have an 8:00 OT client, I observed and participated with the physical therapist's session with a 15 year old who had some physical and developmental delays, and was sweet as can be.  The PT was really nice and invited me to participate and encouraged the boy to interact with me and use good manners.  It was such a nice first impression from a potential-future-coworker, who had no idea I'd be watching their whole treatment that day.

For the 9:00 hour, my interview-er set me up to observe with one of the more senior OTs, who also manages the clinic (and I believe was the founder).  She has probably 20 years experience in pediatrics and really knew her stuff, evident by all her sophisticated terminology around sensory processing and vestibular input and proprioception and reflex integration and ATNR and all her other acronyms.  I really felt like she was purposely trying to intimidate me!  I finally just stopped and said, "Wait, so I admit I'm pretty green about all of this.  Can you explain what you're trying to achieve with XYZ?"  I felt pretty dumb, and really I just felt completely unqualified for this job!  She did her best to kinda-sorta explain, and I went on randomly jumping into the sessions and interacting with the kids while keeping a safe legal distance in my observer corner.

Later, the intimidating therapist and I got to talking about why I was interested in switching to pediatrics, and somehow we got on the topic about documentation and paperwork and how geriatrics has way too much of it!  Ahhhh!!  This is NOT a good topic to get on when you are trying to convince someone they should hire you... I don't think I explained my side of things very well, and our conversation got interrupted when her client showed up.  Open mouth, insert foot.  I was pretty sure she thought I wanted to switch to peds because it would be less work... wrong impression.

I left the clinic feeling really unsure about my interactions with Ms. Intimidating Therapist, and I pondered on it all weekend.  I thought maybe some of the awkward interactions and feeling like she was trying to scare me away was maybe a bad sign for a future coworker/boss.

I was scheduled to come in this afternoon as well, to see a few more treatment sessions and get some more time around the therapists.  When I walked in, one of the first people I saw was Ms. Intimidating Therapist!  I decided to play it cool, and with a big smile on my face I said "Hi Sally!  You didn't scare me away the other day!"  She joked back, and mentioned to the other therapists that she loved it when I said "I'm a little green on all of this" and respected me more for it!  Then she said, "Me and Anne [interview-er] were talking the other day and we both agree you're a go-getter, you jump right in, but you know when to stop and just ask a question."  Not exactly in those words, but you get the idea.  "Wow, thank you!" I said... seriously, such nice compliments!  Interviewers never ever are supposed to say things like that, so you know they mean it.  We quipped back and forth a bit and laughed about my lack of experience, but the fact that I'm excited and willing to learn.

The rest of the afternoon, I observed 4 other little boys between the ages of 3-8.  I just adored this one boy, Max, who was 8 and has hemiparesis on his left side.  I didn't ask about the cause, but I was curious because that was a diagnosis I hadn't actually seen in a kid before.  A lot of the clients are autism spectrum and sensory processing disorder.  I loved how well-behaved this 8-year old was and how much he enjoyed his therapy.  He has probably been coming to therapy once a week nearly his entire life, it's a part of his routine at this point and he comes in and does his thing... he knows it'll be challenging.   The dynamic between the kid and the therapist is amazing, once its established and they have kind of a routine and a flow established.

At the end of the day today, I sat down with Anne (interview-er) and talked a little bit about when I was thinking I'd be available to start (December 2) and what kind of supports and mentoring I would need to start out (a whole helluva lot) and how much they liked me (also a whole helluva lot... super ego boost!).  Basically, she told me she would be giving me a call by the end of the week... "with logistics"... right after she told me "We've been looking for someone since JULY!"  I don't know about you guys, but I'm thinking that means an offer.

Earlier today, I also had a lunch with my OT mentor in my current company.  We talked a lot about all the changes in the company and the cutbacks and corner-cutting that is going on.  We're both really dissatisfied.  She validated my frustrations, and was really supportive of me looking for something new.  I know everybody goes around and says they hate their job, and to some extent, there is always going to be a level of stress and challenge and difficulty with ANY job, no matter how experienced you are... and if there aren't any of those things, then it probably isn't the right job for you.

What I've come to realize this weekend, is that the stress I'm feeling with my current job is the wrong kind of stress.  I am stressed that I work long hours and do good to great quality work, get no recognition for it, and actually get my pay cut; instead of stress to produce better work and refine my skills.  I am challenged to work faster and more efficiently; instead of challenged to try new interventions and build my toolkit.  I have difficulty with meeting deadlines and managing a schedule full of patients who love to cancel and reschedule and be their own boss; I should have difficulty with tough evaluations or new assessment tools that I ultimately work through and master.

I think this new opportunity isn't going to be less stress, but I think it is going to be the right kind of stress that will help me grow as an OT.  I have no idea how to be a pediatric OT, but for some reason, these two crazy cat OTs at this place see something in me that they want to invest in, and evidently they see a good future pediatric therapist.

Stay tuned!

rally thursday

(Written from my iPhone, underneath the covers.)

It was dark when I walked in at 6:15 am. 

It was dark when I walked out at 7:15 pm.

It was wonderful when I ate ice cream, wine, and mac & cheese for dinner (in that order).

I clocked 34 hours in 4 days, but in actuality I only actually worked prob 42 hours this week.....

And for the next 4 days I will clock precisely zero hours.

So long Thursday.

:)

w(h)ine wednesday

I am so burnt out! :(

I started a new assignment a week ago, and I thought my life was going to get a little bit easier.

But I was wrong.

First, the day before I transitioned to my new job, I was informed I would be receiving a pay cut, $2 an hour less than what I negotiated to even accept and sign for this job LESS than 1 YEAR ago!  Add that to my being cut from 40 standard hours to 30!

Then, when I showed up at my new gig on Wednesday morning, I found out I was not starting my non-traveling, one-building-a-day, 7-hour day job that I was offered months ago (all after weeks of being constantly told I wasn't "productive" enough).  I was expecting to be in at 7am and done by 4, and was thrilled.  NOPE.  Instead, I am splitting two buildings... every day..... for the next month.  And they failed to tell me.  Until the day of.

NOW, we are told that we have to submit all time off requests (to use OUR OWN paid vacation time that WE "earn") 4-6 months in advance.  In my opinion, they should have to give me 4 months in advance when they cut my hours, cut my pay, and take my position away.

I am the most stressed out I have been since the first month of my job.  And I can't chalk it up to being new at my assignment or because it's a change in routine.  There is hard evidence of how poorly we are treated as employees, not to mention, I have been working 11-12 hour days, and getting paid for 7-8 hours.

I was in an "exploration" phase awhile ago in regards to jobs, and now I am in full on search mode.

My anniversary is October 31, and I get all my unused vacation and sick time paid back to me in the next paycheck after that, so I am doing my best to hold out until the end of the month.

I am so sad, because I seriously love what I do.  It is depressing that in order to work with clientele who I love, I have to work for a business that is relying on income from a very poor client who is trying to tighten their purse strings (Medicare).

I really love my patients, even the difficult ones.  I love my work and the difference I make.  I adore my coworkers.  I loved my old patients and old job and old coworkers even more than this one.  I almost feel like I let them down by agreeing to leave and I still have a little regret about whether it was the right thing to do.

I finally had to cave to all the pressure of the business behind healthcare, and leave somewhere where the work being done was good work.  I have to give up what I love for the sake of my sanity.  So depressing.

But the countdown begins... 22 days until my anniversary, 30 days until my direct deposit appears with all my unused vacation pay, 33 days until I put in my two weeks notice, and 45 until I'm free from the stress. :-\

What's next?  Tonight, it's drinking a glass of wine and filling out more job applications, and Friday I'm shadowing at a pediatric clinic!  There is so much still up in the air and I'm not sure what my next direction will be... but I am excited to take the next steps.  Cheers to that!

occupations of a patient

I'm an occupational therapist, and it's my job -- by definition -- to be a master of assessing what people do and how they do it.  I think I might be on to a regular blog-post topic, but today I picked one specific occupation to evaluate...

Sometimes occupations are cool/interesting/unique things, like basket weaving, or cooking, or being a teacher, or being a grandma, or playing a board game, or lifting weights... the list goes on.

But sometimes, occupations are not so glamorous or fascinating... Yet, necessary.  Things like cleaning the house, or being able to get up on your own, or flossing your teeth, or walking with a walker, or of course one of my personal favorites... going to the bathroom.

I help people go to the bathroom all day long!  But more importantly, I help them help themselves.  Even more importantly, I eventually get to the point where I don't help them at all!  And even though it's not as glamorous as returning to playing golf or getting back to driving, it is pretty dang important.  Nearly all of my patients (I work in assisted living, skilled nursing, long term care) have a toileting or incontinence-related goal.

Remember when we were little and we needed a grown-up to take us to the restroom?  Then, in school, we would have to raise a hand and ask permission and take a hall pass.  Wen we got to college, it was amazing when we were told, "feel free to excuse yourself..."  Some people refuse to use the bathroom in public for various reasons... for other people, going to the bathroom in groups is a ritual.  Some of my grad school friends would always go into big stall together at the bars... but for whatever reason I just could never get comfortable with sharing that personal moment with someone else.  Personally, sometimes I go to the bathroom just to sit down and take a break.

At some point, many of us will return back to the days of not only having to ask permission (by way of a call bell...or yelling...or maybe it's already too late), but then having to wait for that permission to be acknowledged, then have one of several options happen after a stranger enters the room: A) she comes in and help you out of bed and to the toilet, pulls your pants down as quickly as possible... and helps you get cleaned up after... Hopefully while being as polite and respectful as possible;  B) she comes in and helps you roll over in bed to place a really big pink bucket under your butt, then walks away, and you wonder if she'll ever come back;  or C) it's already too late.  She comes in and helps you get cleaned up.

And while either A/B/C are occurring, your new intimate companion may or may not be pleasant and polite and respectful; the water may or may not be warm; multiple people may or may not enter your room without regard to your privacy; and any one of these participants may or may not be having separate conversations (on a phone/walkie-talkie/yelling out the door) that may or may not have anything to do with you.

My dear medical friends, the next time you go to the bathroom, cherish the privacy and quiet and respect that comes with a closed door.  And the next time you decide not to knock on a patient's door, just remember the sacredness of that personal, private moment.  :)

We all do it... some people just need a chaperone.  They still deserve to have a little moment to themselves (if they want!).

If you came from Medical Mondays, thanks so much for stopping by and reading my post! :)

what do real people do on saturdays?

I've recently started getting more involved with a large women's service organization in my city.  As a new member, I have lots of required events, a lot of them on Saturdays.  I am really enjoying it!  It's really nice to have something meaningful to do on a Saturday.  Eventually, after I pass all the new member requirements, I'll get an official volunteer "placement", and work with a local charity or project, on a more regular basis.   But so far this fall, I have gotten to volunteer at the thrift store (the organization owns and operates the store as a fundraiser), model in a fashion show (for a store promo at a big convention), and take a 2-hour tour of the city to learn about the history.  It has been a lot of fun and has helped me learn so much more about where I live.

This Saturday, I went to an "info session" at the Science Museum downtown.  They talked about what the project/partnership is with our organization, and what volunteers would do if they are "placed" with this project.  For this one, we would put on programming for "at risk" kids at the museum, with a special science project and some literacy exposure as well.  Then, we get to take the kids around the museum and have some fun!  It sounds like it would be a lot of fun and rewarding... especially how much I love science.  When we toured the museum, I felt like a little kid having to hold myself back to explore everything. :)

In the afternoon, I volunteered at the thrift store again.  We have to volunteer at least 30 hours before our "new member" period is over... and so far I have a whopping 8 hours.  I used to work retail, so it's pretty easy.  One of my favorite jobs in retail was honestly going around the store and picking up clothes and making the racks look nice, so that's pretty much what I go around doing in between customers at the register.

In between the two events, I took apart my bike (a pink vintage-looking beach cruiser... it's not really vintage but still just about as cute) and scrubbed it with steel wool to clean it up a little bit, pumped up my tires, then put everything back together and took it for a test drive around the block!  I hadn't ridden it in over a year, but it rode great (better than I remember the last time), so I think it's time I start taking it out every now and again... maybe to the farmer's market or to go to parts of downtown I'd rather not walk to.

I decided to try a really quick/easy dinner for last night, and I thought I did pretty good so I wanted to post about it.  I had a bag of frozen "creamy polenta" with spinach from Trader Joe's, so I decided to try it out.  Tilapia thaws really quickly, so I ran one of my prepacked filets under some cold water for a few minutes, then "breaded" it with a little bit of fancy quinoa mix (from Home Goods).   I pan fried it on the stove in olive oil on low heat, while I quickly cooked some peas.  Voila!  Looks like a restaurant meal.  I think it ultimately took about 30 minutes, which isn't all that fast but it's still so much better than a gross microwave lean cuisine.

I also did get to go for a job/walk yesterday!  I was dying!!!!! (I'm not gonna lie, I can't believe it is still getting to 80 degrees this time of year!  I think it's gonna start to cool off just a little bit... but it can definitely stay 70s for a little longer.  Now that I'm getting up much earlier for my new job, I always think it is FREEZING because I am cold to the bone at 6am.  Then I go to my car to drive to the other building and realize it's still summer in October...)

It seems like I am STILL the queen of people bailing on me and backing out and/or never having invitations returned.  I was supposed to meet a friend for drinks last night (my invitation)... but by the time he made it back to town with his friends and then took an hour to text me back, it was already like 11:00!  I love the company of others, but I'm not that desperate, especially when it's somebody I'm not all that close with to begin with.  So that was a little bit of a disappointment... it was a gorgeous day and I feel like I didn't get to enjoy it as much as I would have liked.  I've been feeling that way about a lot of things lately... just a little regretful that I'm maybe not enjoying life as much as I should be.

On the bright side, I do really enjoy cooking, and riding my bike, and running, and volunteering, even if it's all solo... for now. :)

saying goodbye

So, I'm just gonna come right out and say it.

The thing that really sucks about working in healthcare... especially with the geriatric population... is that people die.

I've been an occupational therapist almost one full year. I have seen a handful of patients come and go in my short tenure.  I haven't ever cried, but I have felt increased amounts of hurt with certain special people, based on relationships established, or the amount of time I knew them, or because I felt connected to them in some way, or because they remind me of someone else in my life...

One thing I have loved about working in the retirement community, is that after I discharge patients, I still get to see them!  Sometimes I see them every day.  Sometimes I even hug them and talk to them every day!  I always tell people I have a hundred Grandmas and Grandpas.  It really feels like that sometimes!

It's also helpful when they need therapy again, because I know right where we left off before and it's so easy to get back into things and put together their plan of care and have an idea of where they will need to get back to.  It is also beneficial for the residents that we know them so well, because then they get just that little bit better attention because we don't have to start from scratch in getting to know them and their families.  Our whole department gets worried when we hear someone isn't well, or has gone out to the hospital or the SNF... and then when they come back we share in the joy that they have gotten better (and probably get to come to therapy again!). There is an extra level of community when you work at a place like this, and I love it.  But it does make it sad when someone has to go...

This week, I was the one leaving.  I obviously have not died.  But, I won't be in their lives anymore.

I am taking a new assignment within my company, and working at a new building.  I think it's pretty special to be able to actually say goodbye.  Last night, I slaved away in the kitchen making snickers apple pie and 7-layer greek dip, and writing personalized notes to each of my coworkers to say goodbye and to say thank you.  And... "hope to see you soon!"

(Greek dip with pita chips... so yummy)

Snickers Apple Pie

But lots of the people who I suddenly stop seeing regularly, didn't get that chance to say "goodbye".  We didn't get to throw a going away party or go out for lunch or a walk "one last time."  I think about certain patients I'm really close with or see regularly, and sometimes I think about how they could be gone at any moment... I could go to my new job tomorrow morning and get a text and find out my Mr. M or Mr. C or Mrs. P have had a stroke or a heart attack or passed away.  Some of them I spend as much time with as I do with my coworkers!  It is going to be so hard to not know how certain ones are doing... or checking in with one when I need a laugh or a pick-me-up... or a hug.

I just can't say enough about hugs.

Why can't all people have fun going away parties to say their very last goodbye?

inside a bachelorette's kitchen #1: special spicy sausage and homemade spaghetti sauce on penne

My inspiration was some basic Italian sausage from Target that I've had in my freezer for weeks.  It wasn't even thawed but I decided to go with it.  Then I realized I have a few fresh tomatoes from the farmer's market, and of course LOTS of fresh basil from my garden.  I went for simple, and looked up the basic Italian Tomato Sauce recipe in my Betty Crocker cookbook.  (This cookbook is a staple for any kitchen, whether run by a novice bachelorette or an experienced chef!)

I mixed some fresh tomatoes with some canned (Which I didn't even realize I had! cupboards can be so sneaky!), along with onion, bell pepper, garlic (always from cloves, never powder!), FRESH basil, oregano, salt and pepper.  So easy!  It simmered for 45 minutes.

Simmering tomatoes

Meanwhile, on to the sausage.  Sausage is probably my all-time favorite meat.  (Bacon is second, followed by turkey versions of those two.)  I really wanted extra-spicy sausage, so I literally just googled "how to make sausage spicy", and found Emeril's "Homemade Mild Italian Sausage" recipe.  Obviously I'm not going to go to the homemade extreme, but I just did a quick scan of the ingredients list for some inspiration.  Garlic, paprika, fennel seeds, salt, pepper, cayenne, anise, parsley, and red wine.  I had ALL of those things (except cayenne-- but I substituted Chili powder).  Basically I just put the thawed sausage in a big skillet and sprinkled all those things on it without really measuring... and let it all cook together.  It turned out AMAZING.  The red wine was my favorite part, and it all smelled sooooo good while it was cooking too.

A really old cabernet that had been open on top of the fridge for weeks, paprika, parlsey, chili powder, fennel seed & anise

The best spicy sausage ever

I fixed some whole grain penne to go along with it all, and put everything together on the plate, and sprinkled on a little parmesan.  I don't like to mix things like this together in serving bowls, especially when it's just me.  I like to mix it up on the plate.  I also made a simple Romaine salad with tomatoes and carrots with balsamic dressing.

It was soooo tasty... I would order this in a restaurant.  But, I don't have to because I can make it at home and save myself probably about $20!  And have two days' worth of leftovers to boot!  Spaghetti is such an easy go-to dinner, but it gets boring after awhile.  But THIS was DELICIOUS and I could probably eat it weekly without getting sick of it!  And I got to exercise a little creativity and use some things that were hiding in the cupboard.

Stay tuned for Tex-Mex Chicken Chili :)

inside a bachelorette's kitchen: a preface

I have been making a major effort to save money because of the cuts in my hours/pay and because it's just a good thing to do when you're 25 and have thousands of dollars in loans!  One of my saving initiatives has been to eat out as little as possible.  I made it a habit while in school, but now I absolutely never eat out on my own, and I couldn't tell you the last time I even stopped at a fast food place or even a chain restaurant.  I pick and choose when and where I'm going to eat out... and with whom.... or if I'll just cook for my guest/s instead... or just choose a different activity altogether.

Let me tell you though... it's tough to switch from eating out on a whim to cooking in every single day!  Especially cooking for one!  But really only at first... after you start doing it more and more and get the hang of it, it becomes its own habit.  It's starting to turn into a hobby for me too.  It just takes little steps at first, and then letting yourself be creative and have fun with it every now and then.  Some days I cook in order to come up with something to feed my belly.  Other days I cook because I need an outlet for creativity.  Other days, something just sounds really really tasty!  But I will tell you that the first reason is happening less and less.

I do eat a simple breakfast daily, but nothing crazy.  I make my own coffee at home, and never buy it on the road.  A $7 bag of coffee and $3 bottle of creamer last me weeks!  I do the Carnation breakfast essentials and eat a banana every morning.  Bananas must be the biggest bang for your buck when it comes to getting sugar and filler into your body quickly... Only like 20 cents apiece and they come prepackaged which is just super convenient.  On weekends, however, I like to get a little fancier and do eggs or sausage or toast, etc.

Special Weekend Breakfast = Pancake, Turkey bacon, eggs, fresh blackberries

I pack my lunch every day, as a rule.  It's the same basic thing every day: turkey sandwich, an apple, and either carrots or sugar snap peas with alternating hummus flavors.  It saves me time when I only have 30 minutes to break for lunch, it saves me money (it's about $2/day when you break it all down), and it saves me calories.  When I have no choice but to eat fruits and veggies, then I eat every last bite.  And after crazy mornings at work when I'm starving by noon but have hours to go, nothing sounds yummier to me than my turkey sandwich and my apple!

For dinners, I usually keep it very simple during the week. I don't like to make the same thing more than once in a week, or two weeks if I can help it.  But it's not the end of the world if I do.  I have gotten to where I have some favorites and "go-to's" for my weeknights when I come home from work needing immediate refueling... as long as it's healthy and I'm still getting some variety each night, then it works.

Some of my favorites are frozen burger patties.  I love the MorningStar black bean burgers, Trader Joe's Veggie burger patties and Trader Joe's Mahi Mahi patties.  I always have sandwich slims (the little round flat ones that come in pairs-- only100 calories per pair and 5g fiber!) in stock because I eat them daily for my lunches.  I also like the pre-cut/cooked frozen Tyson's chicken and steak strips, or Morningstar "ChikN".  They are 2 minutes in the microwave, and perfect to add to a salad with tomatoes, shredded carrots, cheese, and whatever dressing I'm in the mood for.  I basically keep all that stuff stocked weekly so that's easy to throw together when I come home and am desperate for food.

I keep freezer drawers stocked full of various veggies so I always have something easy for a side, as well as frozen chicken breasts, and cod or tilapia filets.  I buy the big bag of chicken breasts and then bag them up individual as soon as I get home from the store so that it literally takes two seconds in the morning to pull out a baggy to be thawed by dinner... but usually I forget to do that and microwave on defrost when I'm in the mood for chicken.

Tilapia tacos with cilantro-lime rice and homemade blackbean salsa - Last made in July

Every now and then I'll be a little more creative and actually plan ahead a little bit, or just get creative with what's available.  I can do a quick and dirty version of my mom's "Swiss Chicken" (which I'm sure I'll have to make and post about another time), or make fish tacos with homemade salsa, or yummy rosemary potatoes with my rosemary from the garden... or one of my favorites, breakfast for dinner.

Quick 2-serving version of "Swiss Chicken" - Last made in August

I can't say I always get fancy on the weekends, but the last couple of weekends, I've gotten a little more ambitious.  I have two posts waiting in the wings about my cooking adventures, the recipes I used and modified, and the final creations I made that were soooo good and received rave reviews from my toughest critic (me).  Photos and recipes will be included, as well as some of the changes I made and experimented with a little bit.

I've been working on my Christmas list and it is already including a KitchenAid mixer, an onion chopper and a new garlic press (mine is so old and too weak for the quantities of garlic I need!)... I'm sure more will be added.  There is also something about the weather changing that makes a warm kitchen a really cozy and happy place to be!

In the meantime, look out for the upcoming reports on homemade spaghetti with special spicy sausage, and tex-mex chicken chili!

rally thursday

y'all... I'm having a pretty tough time rallying this Thursday.  See yesterday's post: I am just in a major funk.  I know I still have things to be positive about... but I cried while driving multiple times today, and I'm about to go to sleep and it's not even 9:00.

This morning I had a continuing ed course that was semi-required for work, but they usually put on pretty good courses and this one didn't disappoint.  It was a pretty basic OT fundamentals kind of course, called "Pursuit of Excellence."  One of the big-time OTs in the company with lots of experience in treating and in teaching gave a 4-hour talk, ultimately challenging us to be more creative and strive to be better clinicians and not get stuck in the rut of difficult treatments.  She was a great presenter, which always helps, and had a great sense of humor.  She was very realistic and very honest.  I wish I could learn from her more!

Favorite line of the day was during a review of basic sensation tests...  "I have three words for you from my earlier days as an OT in acute care.....  sensory testing. safety pin. coumadin."

The class ran over by about 45 minutes so I was late getting to my clinic to start treatments, and it kind of threw my day off.  I was trying to bust out of there so I could rally by accompanying my friend V to the bridal shop to officially buy her wedding dress!  She has had it picked out for a long time, and just couldn't stop thinking about it, so today was the day she made it official.  So exciting!  I also saw what my bridesmaid dress will be like, and it's nothing crazy... typical bridesmaid chiffon with lots of gathers in a color I probably wouldn't buy for myself... but I will be happy wearing it and standing up next to her. :)

Afterward, I went to dinner with her and her bff (they met when they both moved here the first time about 2 years ago and have been super close ever since).  I was glad we got to do it because I have been so socially deprived.  But, it made me realize I really don't have a lot in common with her, or her bff.  Is there something wrong with me that I have such a hard time finding people I mesh well with and bond with?  That I have anything to really talk about with?  Am I being too picky or am I just so square or so aged-beyond-my-years that I cannot socialize with people my own age?  Or was I just too wound up from the week?

Anyway, maybe it was those things, or maybe it was everything else I've been struggling with this week, or still the boy or blah blah blah... but, when I got in my car to go home I just started crying.

Sooo... maybe rally Friday?

from the other side

It's been nearly 7 weeks since the boy broke it off and broke my heart.  I know it's been nearly 7 weeks because I remember the exact day and replay it in my head nearly every day, and every week is a milestone.

I still cry at least once a week.  My heart hurts,  I am so terrible for listening to country music because it's those dang songs that always do it to me while I am driving home from work after a bad day or something.

I went to church choir practice tonight, and our director was saying something about the word "love" and how we pronounce it and say it in one of the pieces.  I think he was kinda being funny or whatever to help us to remember how to use the right vowel and stuff... but then I started thinking about the word love.

And that I think it is one of the saddest things in the whole world for someone to love someone else, and the other one not to feel the same.. or to not show it.  (Well in my book, not showing it is the same thing.. if you can't show it, do you really love them?)

I mean, in Christianity, it's really sad that God loves everybody, but we don't always love Him back.
It is so sad if a parent loves a child, and the child has turned away and cannot love the parent back... or when a child reaches out for love from a parent, and doesn't get it.. or maybe doesn't have a parent at all.
It is sad when siblings or friends do not reciprocate love.

And it is the saddest thing when a woman is so completely in love with a man and despite how hard he tries or he wants to, he simply cannot return it.

It is that, along with the fact that I don't have a great social support system.  Even though he was far away, he was my support system. We talked every day and that was what I was excited about getting off work for and going home to do... to talk to him and include him in my evening.

But, it was all cut off from me, and I didn't replace it with anything.  I don't really have anything I look forward to when I leave work except to be done with work for a few brief hours before I go back.  I already finished 5 seasons of Gossip Girl on Netflix so now it's on to Dawson's Creek season 1..... I'm sure teen angst is a good way to keep my spirits up, just like the country music I listen to on the way home.

The other terrible thing is that I still initiate conversation with him.  We're on talking terms and all... he "wants to be friends."  Cold turkey never worked before... so I feel like the only thing that will really help me move on is time.  And probably making him a much much much less important part of my life.

Next week I start a new job, and I think it's time I also start getting serious about fighting this funk I have been in for nearly 7 weeks.  ESPECIALLY since shorter days and cooler weather and candy temptations are approaching.

Such a depressing post......  where is my peppy perky positive self?!?  I hope she's waiting for me in October!

time traveling as an OT

About a month ago, I went "home" to my parents' house in Ohio (where we all grew up) for a summer get-together with the whole family.  It was my three older brothers, their respective wives, the middle brother's 3-year old little girl, and our grandmother... and of course my parents and I.  My middle brother's wife wasn't actually able to make the long trip (it's a 12-hour drive for them) due to her work, so all the aunts really pitched in to give my bro a break... and because the little trouble maker is CUTE as can be.

I had a BALL playing with my niece and being a little girl. She is showing some delays for her age.  I don't think she necessarily has a disability or autism or anything, but she does have some sensory processing issues, she is not yet potty-trained, and is a really picky eater.  I also picked up on a little bit of echolalia... but I haven't been around a lot of examples of that so I can't say for sure.  I don't have enough peds experience!

Even though the little one behaved a little bit differently than we expected a three-year-old to behave, I felt really comfortable playing with her, modeling for her, and even teaching her in subtle ways.  I feel like it wasn't that long ago that I was three years old.  I remember things I responded to for behavior... like finishing my dinner so I could have dessert... or someone telling me I was acting like a "baby" instead of a "big girl"... and the worst was when my brothers or parents would imitate me when I was crying/whining about something.  I hated it!  When little one would cry or whine about something silly, I would start to copy her-- stomp my feet on the ground and pout and cry.  It would only take seconds before she'd start watching me and realize I look really silly and just start laughing.

I haven't been around little kids all that much... but the times I have, I've always loved!  In high school and college, I used to always volunteer for Vacation Bible School, tutoring elementary and junior high school students, babysitting, and the list goes on.  It was never my sole purpose, but I always liked it.

Now that I'm out in my career as an OT... I'm wondering if there is a place for me in pediatrics.  A couple of weeks after that weekend, I noticed an advertisement for a position in an outpatient pediatric therapy clinic.  I looked at their website, and I immediately got super intimidated.  A week or so later, I saw it was still posted.  I still wasn't sure whether I should apply, but I started updating my resume and creating a cover letter template, and thinking about what I would say if a pediatric OT asked me why I was qualified for such a position.  A few days after that, I got my courage up to fill out their application and send it along with my resume, references and a cover letter explaining my strength for adapting to new situations... and didn't hold my breath.

Sure enough... I got an email a couple days letter inviting me for an interview!  I was shocked!  That interview day came yesterday, and I was nervous about it all week.  I questioned whether I was really ready for this big of a change in my career -- geriatrics to pediatrics -- but ultimately decided that every interview is a good learning experience, regardless of the outcome.  The interview was amazing!  I really clicked with the OT supervisor who showed me around and interviewed me.

I am still not sure whether I am ready for a big change in my career.  I still love what I am doing with my old folks everyday, and I am good at it.  I feel like I just started yesterday... but I also feel that I am just now starting to get the hang of things after being at it for almost a year.

The interviewer seemed to really like me.  She told me she had interviewed 8 people already, but just didn't feel like she had found anyone that quite fit.  She explained that it wasn't enough for anyone to come in with a great resume and laundry list of pediatric experience, but that the person had to be the right fit, be willing to learn, and be ready to interact with the kids, and of course with the parents.  After I felt comfortable talking with her, I was very honest in saying that I wasn't sure if I was ready yet for a big change in my career, but that I feel like I am in an exploratory and transitional phase.  She actually brought up the possibility of starting with them part-time, to "get my feet wet" as sort of a trial-run.  In the back of my mind this whole time, that is just what I was hoping for to get my foot in the door with pediatric OT.

I love the work I do with the older adult population, and I know I am needed there.  But I want to know what else is out there for me.  I want to keep doors open so that when it comes time for me to make a change, that I will have opportunities.  I have 40 more years to work, but maybe only a few more where I am young and adventurous and bold and willing to try new things and accept failure.  I want to know what opportunities are out there right now.  I always talked about going back to peds when I have kids, but 10 years from now-- these jobs and opportunities might not be there!  Or what if I spend too long in one specialty/area that it makes it even harder to make that leap?

My mom's advice: "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush!"  Maybe my time for a change is only a month from now.  I am going to go back to the clinic in a couple weeks to "observe" and meet some of the other therapists.  I have to say, exploring these possibilities is pretty exciting.