from the other side

It's been nearly 7 weeks since the boy broke it off and broke my heart.  I know it's been nearly 7 weeks because I remember the exact day and replay it in my head nearly every day, and every week is a milestone.

I still cry at least once a week.  My heart hurts,  I am so terrible for listening to country music because it's those dang songs that always do it to me while I am driving home from work after a bad day or something.

I went to church choir practice tonight, and our director was saying something about the word "love" and how we pronounce it and say it in one of the pieces.  I think he was kinda being funny or whatever to help us to remember how to use the right vowel and stuff... but then I started thinking about the word love.

And that I think it is one of the saddest things in the whole world for someone to love someone else, and the other one not to feel the same.. or to not show it.  (Well in my book, not showing it is the same thing.. if you can't show it, do you really love them?)

I mean, in Christianity, it's really sad that God loves everybody, but we don't always love Him back.
It is so sad if a parent loves a child, and the child has turned away and cannot love the parent back... or when a child reaches out for love from a parent, and doesn't get it.. or maybe doesn't have a parent at all.
It is sad when siblings or friends do not reciprocate love.

And it is the saddest thing when a woman is so completely in love with a man and despite how hard he tries or he wants to, he simply cannot return it.

It is that, along with the fact that I don't have a great social support system.  Even though he was far away, he was my support system. We talked every day and that was what I was excited about getting off work for and going home to do... to talk to him and include him in my evening.

But, it was all cut off from me, and I didn't replace it with anything.  I don't really have anything I look forward to when I leave work except to be done with work for a few brief hours before I go back.  I already finished 5 seasons of Gossip Girl on Netflix so now it's on to Dawson's Creek season 1..... I'm sure teen angst is a good way to keep my spirits up, just like the country music I listen to on the way home.

The other terrible thing is that I still initiate conversation with him.  We're on talking terms and all... he "wants to be friends."  Cold turkey never worked before... so I feel like the only thing that will really help me move on is time.  And probably making him a much much much less important part of my life.

Next week I start a new job, and I think it's time I also start getting serious about fighting this funk I have been in for nearly 7 weeks.  ESPECIALLY since shorter days and cooler weather and candy temptations are approaching.

Such a depressing post......  where is my peppy perky positive self?!?  I hope she's waiting for me in October!