Work is CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY. Just when I think I'm getting ahead, I discover a handful of things that I'm behind on.
As I was venting to mom tonight, who has had an equally stressful few weeks with her own job, I shared that I really think I have the single worst OT job in the U.S. right now... haha. Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I really think I definitely have the worst OT job in my company. I don't see any other therapists busting their butt as much as me, with as large of a caseload and as many documents due. I don't see any other therapist dragging a laptop with them to every patient room, "trying" to make the most of every moment (when in actuality I probably lose more time between dying batteries and software errors). That is because I'm one of 2 OTRs who are serving two humongous caseloads and supervising 6 COTAs.
The thing that I really still can't get over, is that this company ACTUALLY thinks I would be able to do this job in 8 hours. I am an hourly employee, it's technically illegal for me to work "off the clock" -- but impossible to avoid it when you genuinely want to get all this work done. I've "officially" clocked about 20 hours between the last two days... but unofficially, I have actually been at work about 23 hours between today and yesterday, not including lunch. And just forget about productivity... I'm barely just getting the work completed!
Thank GOD I'm not stuck in an office or having to do all of these things remotely-- being able to share with patients the progress they've made, and collaborate on setting new goals, and encourage them through a difficult one, is pretty dang rewarding. Rushed as it is, but still fun for me. I wish I got to follow up with patients more than I get to, but such is the life of being a paper pusher. At least I'm a really nice and fun and happy paper pusher-- or so my once-every-two-weeks patients tell me!
Tomorrow is another 6am paperwork day... which, I'm sure by the time my first scheduled patient treatment rolls around at 7:00, I probably STILL won't have my 7 unfinished visit notes logged from Monday... or my G-code documents from last Friday... or my expense reports for the last 3 weeks. Oh hell...
Still, there is something invigorating about walking out my front door at 5:30 in the morning and thinking "Screw all you lazy bastards still asleep in your beds... I'm gonna kill this today and be home before the sun goes down!" But then by about 4:00, when I realize I still have hours of work left to do, that feeling is long gone... and I long for a new one...
The feeling of my head hitting the pillow.
That, and not wearing pants.
Because it just feels sooooooo good when I stop...
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
overcoming
My amazing four-day weekend away from work last weekend gave me lots of time to be alone with my thoughts, do some soul searching and reflecting and refocus my energy. I am amazed at how much differently I feel this Wednesday night compared to last Wednesday night compared to the one before. Tonight, I felt an overwhelming since of relief and calm and contentment about my life, after a few events that have happened over the last week.
First, now that I feel that there is a very promising and exciting job prospect in the wings, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I have felt happier at work this week, and happier in the evenings as well. I have rolled with the punches a little more this week and had some really positive patient and colleague interactions. I feel like I am beginning to have closure on this whole experience and am reflecting more on what I've learned and gained and how I have changed, and much less on how much I hate the work demands (the ones outside the patient care, that is).
Second, the friendship with me and the ex-boy has really not been working out, and it finally came to a head over the weekend. I have been really unhappy lately, and I have not been shy about letting him know about my work stress and loneliness (although only when he asks "How are you", etc.) Maybe it's because girls are more talkative or maybe it's because I didn't notice before that he's boring and not good at carrying conversation, but I started to realize that the conversations we were having were very one-sided. It was always a lot of me talking and ranting and a lot of him making generic active-listening statements... "Yeah".
I feel like if I had a close friend who was constantly a downer, I would say things like "Well, did anything good happen this week?" or "Do you have any funny patient stories or quotes?" I would anticipate negativity and ask a happier question like "Have you heard anything more on those new jobs you were looking at?" or follow up about things they mentioned before, "How did that stressful coworker situation end up turning out?" He surely had details to go off of (Lord knows I have no word limit). But instead I got "Well then don't be so stressed" or "You need to go out more and make friends (That is not actually helpful advice, but thanks for the half-assed effort), or "I know what you're going through" (No you don't) and so fourth. I also felt like when I did have something good or exciting to share, that I didn't want to tell him because he didn't deserve to hear about it or be a part of my joy.
And so maybe I have been subconsciously pushing that "friendship" (i.e. consolation prize) away by being somewhat negative, but also maybe it just finally needed to happen... when it comes down to it, we are just not all that compatible. He wasn't able to support me when I was low and I didn't want to share in my joys-- so how can that possibly be functional? Either way, he brought up that it bugged him I was always upset and complaining, so I rebutted with, give me a break because my life is difficult right now and I don't complain all that much and when I try to make other conversation I get no better response from him and blah blah blah. Anyway, ultimately we agreed that interacting wasn't positive for either of us any longer.
What he doesn't know and I didn't mention is that I would still bawl my eyes out nearly every time I heard from him, which was about once or twice a week (and usually on the weekend when I am at my peak loneliness and low on distractions (i.e. work)). My emotion was in part because I was genuinely sad and missed what we had (even if I was half-blind at the time) and in part because I was so disappointed in the mediocre friendship-support I was getting-- and that I felt like I had no one else. So, I feel like a weight was lifted there as well.
Third, after a whole year in this lovely city, I think I have finally found a real friend! That sounds a little bit pathetic... I do have friends and have had them all along, and I have some people who are in my contacts list who could potentially be friends but I never actually see them, and I did have a good friend who moved away to Chicago (my old roommate)..... but I just hadn't found anyone who I really clicked with as a friend and feel like they enjoy hanging out with me as much as I enjoy being around them. With the service organization I got involved with, one of the first girls I met was another single 20-something who was joining the same time as me for the same reasons. We met for drinks a couple times at the beginning, and then kinda tapered off. Then we'd always run into each other at the meetings and end up chatting. The last couple of weekends, we have hung out multiple times... and had a lot of fun! AND made plans for the weekends ahead too. We even spontaneously grabbed lunch last week and carpooled to one of the service events together. I have felt like such a reject that I have had a hard time making friends here and like I'm missing out on my 20s because I'm always flying solo... so it is actually really exciting that I MADE A FRIEND. :)
Fourth, after months of waiting and wondering and giving up and then wondering agaiiiin, I finally heard from the rehab manager at the orthopedic hospital this week! Just this evening he called me, and let me know that they are very interested in hiring me on board (it will be PRN, weekends only) and he is going to have HR contact me very soon! I am THRILLED! I am a little nervous about the timing of everything with resigning my current position and taking on the other new job, and being able to work in day off for orientation to the hospital, BUT.... I am just going to worry about all of that later!
Nothing is 100% set in stone yet, but it is SO nice to have some things to look forward to again...
Soooo... to refresh my countdown:
23 days until my unsused vacation pay appears in my account (this is going to be about two weeks worth of pay... (granted at a lower pay rate and only 6 standard hours per day but still) CHA CHING!)
26 days until I officially give my resignation (they will not pay unused vacation if someone has put in their resignation... so I'm being very very careful to make sure I get every last penny!)
37 days (?) until my last day with this company.
43 days until Thanksgiving, maybe my first real holiday OFF FROM WORK. God I hope so.
48 days until the day I told the pediatric clinic I'd be willing to start.
No turning back.
First, now that I feel that there is a very promising and exciting job prospect in the wings, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I have felt happier at work this week, and happier in the evenings as well. I have rolled with the punches a little more this week and had some really positive patient and colleague interactions. I feel like I am beginning to have closure on this whole experience and am reflecting more on what I've learned and gained and how I have changed, and much less on how much I hate the work demands (the ones outside the patient care, that is).
Second, the friendship with me and the ex-boy has really not been working out, and it finally came to a head over the weekend. I have been really unhappy lately, and I have not been shy about letting him know about my work stress and loneliness (although only when he asks "How are you", etc.) Maybe it's because girls are more talkative or maybe it's because I didn't notice before that he's boring and not good at carrying conversation, but I started to realize that the conversations we were having were very one-sided. It was always a lot of me talking and ranting and a lot of him making generic active-listening statements... "Yeah".
I feel like if I had a close friend who was constantly a downer, I would say things like "Well, did anything good happen this week?" or "Do you have any funny patient stories or quotes?" I would anticipate negativity and ask a happier question like "Have you heard anything more on those new jobs you were looking at?" or follow up about things they mentioned before, "How did that stressful coworker situation end up turning out?" He surely had details to go off of (Lord knows I have no word limit). But instead I got "Well then don't be so stressed" or "You need to go out more and make friends (That is not actually helpful advice, but thanks for the half-assed effort), or "I know what you're going through" (No you don't) and so fourth. I also felt like when I did have something good or exciting to share, that I didn't want to tell him because he didn't deserve to hear about it or be a part of my joy.
And so maybe I have been subconsciously pushing that "friendship" (i.e. consolation prize) away by being somewhat negative, but also maybe it just finally needed to happen... when it comes down to it, we are just not all that compatible. He wasn't able to support me when I was low and I didn't want to share in my joys-- so how can that possibly be functional? Either way, he brought up that it bugged him I was always upset and complaining, so I rebutted with, give me a break because my life is difficult right now and I don't complain all that much and when I try to make other conversation I get no better response from him and blah blah blah. Anyway, ultimately we agreed that interacting wasn't positive for either of us any longer.
What he doesn't know and I didn't mention is that I would still bawl my eyes out nearly every time I heard from him, which was about once or twice a week (and usually on the weekend when I am at my peak loneliness and low on distractions (i.e. work)). My emotion was in part because I was genuinely sad and missed what we had (even if I was half-blind at the time) and in part because I was so disappointed in the mediocre friendship-support I was getting-- and that I felt like I had no one else. So, I feel like a weight was lifted there as well.
Third, after a whole year in this lovely city, I think I have finally found a real friend! That sounds a little bit pathetic... I do have friends and have had them all along, and I have some people who are in my contacts list who could potentially be friends but I never actually see them, and I did have a good friend who moved away to Chicago (my old roommate)..... but I just hadn't found anyone who I really clicked with as a friend and feel like they enjoy hanging out with me as much as I enjoy being around them. With the service organization I got involved with, one of the first girls I met was another single 20-something who was joining the same time as me for the same reasons. We met for drinks a couple times at the beginning, and then kinda tapered off. Then we'd always run into each other at the meetings and end up chatting. The last couple of weekends, we have hung out multiple times... and had a lot of fun! AND made plans for the weekends ahead too. We even spontaneously grabbed lunch last week and carpooled to one of the service events together. I have felt like such a reject that I have had a hard time making friends here and like I'm missing out on my 20s because I'm always flying solo... so it is actually really exciting that I MADE A FRIEND. :)
Fourth, after months of waiting and wondering and giving up and then wondering agaiiiin, I finally heard from the rehab manager at the orthopedic hospital this week! Just this evening he called me, and let me know that they are very interested in hiring me on board (it will be PRN, weekends only) and he is going to have HR contact me very soon! I am THRILLED! I am a little nervous about the timing of everything with resigning my current position and taking on the other new job, and being able to work in day off for orientation to the hospital, BUT.... I am just going to worry about all of that later!
Nothing is 100% set in stone yet, but it is SO nice to have some things to look forward to again...
Soooo... to refresh my countdown:
23 days until my unsused vacation pay appears in my account (this is going to be about two weeks worth of pay... (granted at a lower pay rate and only 6 standard hours per day but still) CHA CHING!)
26 days until I officially give my resignation (they will not pay unused vacation if someone has put in their resignation... so I'm being very very careful to make sure I get every last penny!)
37 days (?) until my last day with this company.
43 days until Thanksgiving, maybe my first real holiday OFF FROM WORK. God I hope so.
48 days until the day I told the pediatric clinic I'd be willing to start.
No turning back.
Monday, October 14, 2013
a good kind of stress
I just got to enjoy four lovely days in a row off from work. It has been wonderful! I got my hair cut, went to lunch with a new friend, shopped the Columbus Day sales at the mall, and slept a LOT.
Friday, I shadowed/observed at a pediatric therapy clinic where I'd had an interview a few weeks ago. The OT/supervisor that interviewed me welcomed me with open arms Friday morning. Leading up to Friday, I was pretty excited just to learn what this outpatient pediatric thing was all about... I wasn't sure what I would think or whether it was actually going to lead to a job, but I knew it would at least be a good learning opportunity. It really boosted my confidence when my interview-er introduced me to the other therapists... "This is B. She is an OT in geriatrics but she's thinking of switching... she has a really great personality!" I guess I made a good impression!
Since she didn't have an 8:00 OT client, I observed and participated with the physical therapist's session with a 15 year old who had some physical and developmental delays, and was sweet as can be. The PT was really nice and invited me to participate and encouraged the boy to interact with me and use good manners. It was such a nice first impression from a potential-future-coworker, who had no idea I'd be watching their whole treatment that day.
For the 9:00 hour, my interview-er set me up to observe with one of the more senior OTs, who also manages the clinic (and I believe was the founder). She has probably 20 years experience in pediatrics and really knew her stuff, evident by all her sophisticated terminology around sensory processing and vestibular input and proprioception and reflex integration and ATNR and all her other acronyms. I really felt like she was purposely trying to intimidate me! I finally just stopped and said, "Wait, so I admit I'm pretty green about all of this. Can you explain what you're trying to achieve with XYZ?" I felt pretty dumb, and really I just felt completely unqualified for this job! She did her best to kinda-sorta explain, and I went on randomly jumping into the sessions and interacting with the kids while keeping a safe legal distance in my observer corner.
Later, the intimidating therapist and I got to talking about why I was interested in switching to pediatrics, and somehow we got on the topic about documentation and paperwork and how geriatrics has way too much of it! Ahhhh!! This is NOT a good topic to get on when you are trying to convince someone they should hire you... I don't think I explained my side of things very well, and our conversation got interrupted when her client showed up. Open mouth, insert foot. I was pretty sure she thought I wanted to switch to peds because it would be less work... wrong impression.
I left the clinic feeling really unsure about my interactions with Ms. Intimidating Therapist, and I pondered on it all weekend. I thought maybe some of the awkward interactions and feeling like she was trying to scare me away was maybe a bad sign for a future coworker/boss.
I was scheduled to come in this afternoon as well, to see a few more treatment sessions and get some more time around the therapists. When I walked in, one of the first people I saw was Ms. Intimidating Therapist! I decided to play it cool, and with a big smile on my face I said "Hi Sally! You didn't scare me away the other day!" She joked back, and mentioned to the other therapists that she loved it when I said "I'm a little green on all of this" and respected me more for it! Then she said, "Me and Anne [interview-er] were talking the other day and we both agree you're a go-getter, you jump right in, but you know when to stop and just ask a question." Not exactly in those words, but you get the idea. "Wow, thank you!" I said... seriously, such nice compliments! Interviewers never ever are supposed to say things like that, so you know they mean it. We quipped back and forth a bit and laughed about my lack of experience, but the fact that I'm excited and willing to learn.
The rest of the afternoon, I observed 4 other little boys between the ages of 3-8. I just adored this one boy, Max, who was 8 and has hemiparesis on his left side. I didn't ask about the cause, but I was curious because that was a diagnosis I hadn't actually seen in a kid before. A lot of the clients are autism spectrum and sensory processing disorder. I loved how well-behaved this 8-year old was and how much he enjoyed his therapy. He has probably been coming to therapy once a week nearly his entire life, it's a part of his routine at this point and he comes in and does his thing... he knows it'll be challenging. The dynamic between the kid and the therapist is amazing, once its established and they have kind of a routine and a flow established.
At the end of the day today, I sat down with Anne (interview-er) and talked a little bit about when I was thinking I'd be available to start (December 2) and what kind of supports and mentoring I would need to start out (a whole helluva lot) and how much they liked me (also a whole helluva lot... super ego boost!). Basically, she told me she would be giving me a call by the end of the week... "with logistics"... right after she told me "We've been looking for someone since JULY!" I don't know about you guys, but I'm thinking that means an offer.
Earlier today, I also had a lunch with my OT mentor in my current company. We talked a lot about all the changes in the company and the cutbacks and corner-cutting that is going on. We're both really dissatisfied. She validated my frustrations, and was really supportive of me looking for something new. I know everybody goes around and says they hate their job, and to some extent, there is always going to be a level of stress and challenge and difficulty with ANY job, no matter how experienced you are... and if there aren't any of those things, then it probably isn't the right job for you.
What I've come to realize this weekend, is that the stress I'm feeling with my current job is the wrong kind of stress. I am stressed that I work long hours and do good to great quality work, get no recognition for it, and actually get my pay cut; instead of stress to produce better work and refine my skills. I am challenged to work faster and more efficiently; instead of challenged to try new interventions and build my toolkit. I have difficulty with meeting deadlines and managing a schedule full of patients who love to cancel and reschedule and be their own boss; I should have difficulty with tough evaluations or new assessment tools that I ultimately work through and master.
I think this new opportunity isn't going to be less stress, but I think it is going to be the right kind of stress that will help me grow as an OT. I have no idea how to be a pediatric OT, but for some reason, these two crazy cat OTs at this place see something in me that they want to invest in, and evidently they see a good future pediatric therapist.
Stay tuned!
Friday, I shadowed/observed at a pediatric therapy clinic where I'd had an interview a few weeks ago. The OT/supervisor that interviewed me welcomed me with open arms Friday morning. Leading up to Friday, I was pretty excited just to learn what this outpatient pediatric thing was all about... I wasn't sure what I would think or whether it was actually going to lead to a job, but I knew it would at least be a good learning opportunity. It really boosted my confidence when my interview-er introduced me to the other therapists... "This is B. She is an OT in geriatrics but she's thinking of switching... she has a really great personality!" I guess I made a good impression!
Since she didn't have an 8:00 OT client, I observed and participated with the physical therapist's session with a 15 year old who had some physical and developmental delays, and was sweet as can be. The PT was really nice and invited me to participate and encouraged the boy to interact with me and use good manners. It was such a nice first impression from a potential-future-coworker, who had no idea I'd be watching their whole treatment that day.
For the 9:00 hour, my interview-er set me up to observe with one of the more senior OTs, who also manages the clinic (and I believe was the founder). She has probably 20 years experience in pediatrics and really knew her stuff, evident by all her sophisticated terminology around sensory processing and vestibular input and proprioception and reflex integration and ATNR and all her other acronyms. I really felt like she was purposely trying to intimidate me! I finally just stopped and said, "Wait, so I admit I'm pretty green about all of this. Can you explain what you're trying to achieve with XYZ?" I felt pretty dumb, and really I just felt completely unqualified for this job! She did her best to kinda-sorta explain, and I went on randomly jumping into the sessions and interacting with the kids while keeping a safe legal distance in my observer corner.
Later, the intimidating therapist and I got to talking about why I was interested in switching to pediatrics, and somehow we got on the topic about documentation and paperwork and how geriatrics has way too much of it! Ahhhh!! This is NOT a good topic to get on when you are trying to convince someone they should hire you... I don't think I explained my side of things very well, and our conversation got interrupted when her client showed up. Open mouth, insert foot. I was pretty sure she thought I wanted to switch to peds because it would be less work... wrong impression.
I left the clinic feeling really unsure about my interactions with Ms. Intimidating Therapist, and I pondered on it all weekend. I thought maybe some of the awkward interactions and feeling like she was trying to scare me away was maybe a bad sign for a future coworker/boss.
I was scheduled to come in this afternoon as well, to see a few more treatment sessions and get some more time around the therapists. When I walked in, one of the first people I saw was Ms. Intimidating Therapist! I decided to play it cool, and with a big smile on my face I said "Hi Sally! You didn't scare me away the other day!" She joked back, and mentioned to the other therapists that she loved it when I said "I'm a little green on all of this" and respected me more for it! Then she said, "Me and Anne [interview-er] were talking the other day and we both agree you're a go-getter, you jump right in, but you know when to stop and just ask a question." Not exactly in those words, but you get the idea. "Wow, thank you!" I said... seriously, such nice compliments! Interviewers never ever are supposed to say things like that, so you know they mean it. We quipped back and forth a bit and laughed about my lack of experience, but the fact that I'm excited and willing to learn.
The rest of the afternoon, I observed 4 other little boys between the ages of 3-8. I just adored this one boy, Max, who was 8 and has hemiparesis on his left side. I didn't ask about the cause, but I was curious because that was a diagnosis I hadn't actually seen in a kid before. A lot of the clients are autism spectrum and sensory processing disorder. I loved how well-behaved this 8-year old was and how much he enjoyed his therapy. He has probably been coming to therapy once a week nearly his entire life, it's a part of his routine at this point and he comes in and does his thing... he knows it'll be challenging. The dynamic between the kid and the therapist is amazing, once its established and they have kind of a routine and a flow established.
At the end of the day today, I sat down with Anne (interview-er) and talked a little bit about when I was thinking I'd be available to start (December 2) and what kind of supports and mentoring I would need to start out (a whole helluva lot) and how much they liked me (also a whole helluva lot... super ego boost!). Basically, she told me she would be giving me a call by the end of the week... "with logistics"... right after she told me "We've been looking for someone since JULY!" I don't know about you guys, but I'm thinking that means an offer.
Earlier today, I also had a lunch with my OT mentor in my current company. We talked a lot about all the changes in the company and the cutbacks and corner-cutting that is going on. We're both really dissatisfied. She validated my frustrations, and was really supportive of me looking for something new. I know everybody goes around and says they hate their job, and to some extent, there is always going to be a level of stress and challenge and difficulty with ANY job, no matter how experienced you are... and if there aren't any of those things, then it probably isn't the right job for you.
What I've come to realize this weekend, is that the stress I'm feeling with my current job is the wrong kind of stress. I am stressed that I work long hours and do good to great quality work, get no recognition for it, and actually get my pay cut; instead of stress to produce better work and refine my skills. I am challenged to work faster and more efficiently; instead of challenged to try new interventions and build my toolkit. I have difficulty with meeting deadlines and managing a schedule full of patients who love to cancel and reschedule and be their own boss; I should have difficulty with tough evaluations or new assessment tools that I ultimately work through and master.
I think this new opportunity isn't going to be less stress, but I think it is going to be the right kind of stress that will help me grow as an OT. I have no idea how to be a pediatric OT, but for some reason, these two crazy cat OTs at this place see something in me that they want to invest in, and evidently they see a good future pediatric therapist.
Stay tuned!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
rally thursday
(Written from my iPhone, underneath the covers.)
It was dark when I walked out at 7:15 pm.
It was wonderful when I ate ice cream, wine, and mac & cheese for dinner (in that order).
I clocked 34 hours in 4 days, but in actuality I only actually worked prob 42 hours this week.....
And for the next 4 days I will clock precisely zero hours.
So long Thursday.
:)
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
w(h)ine wednesday
I am so burnt out! :(
I started a new assignment a week ago, and I thought my life was going to get a little bit easier.
But I was wrong.
First, the day before I transitioned to my new job, I was informed I would be receiving a pay cut, $2 an hour less than what I negotiated to even accept and sign for this job LESS than 1 YEAR ago! Add that to my being cut from 40 standard hours to 30!
Then, when I showed up at my new gig on Wednesday morning, I found out I was not starting my non-traveling, one-building-a-day, 7-hour day job that I was offered months ago (all after weeks of being constantly told I wasn't "productive" enough). I was expecting to be in at 7am and done by 4, and was thrilled. NOPE. Instead, I am splitting two buildings... every day..... for the next month. And they failed to tell me. Until the day of.
NOW, we are told that we have to submit all time off requests (to use OUR OWN paid vacation time that WE "earn") 4-6 months in advance. In my opinion, they should have to give me 4 months in advance when they cut my hours, cut my pay, and take my position away.
I am the most stressed out I have been since the first month of my job. And I can't chalk it up to being new at my assignment or because it's a change in routine. There is hard evidence of how poorly we are treated as employees, not to mention, I have been working 11-12 hour days, and getting paid for 7-8 hours.
I was in an "exploration" phase awhile ago in regards to jobs, and now I am in full on search mode.
My anniversary is October 31, and I get all my unused vacation and sick time paid back to me in the next paycheck after that, so I am doing my best to hold out until the end of the month.
I am so sad, because I seriously love what I do. It is depressing that in order to work with clientele who I love, I have to work for a business that is relying on income from a very poor client who is trying to tighten their purse strings (Medicare).
I really love my patients, even the difficult ones. I love my work and the difference I make. I adore my coworkers. I loved my old patients and old job and old coworkers even more than this one. I almost feel like I let them down by agreeing to leave and I still have a little regret about whether it was the right thing to do.
I finally had to cave to all the pressure of the business behind healthcare, and leave somewhere where the work being done was good work. I have to give up what I love for the sake of my sanity. So depressing.
But the countdown begins... 22 days until my anniversary, 30 days until my direct deposit appears with all my unused vacation pay, 33 days until I put in my two weeks notice, and 45 until I'm free from the stress. :-\
What's next? Tonight, it's drinking a glass of wine and filling out more job applications, and Friday I'm shadowing at a pediatric clinic! There is so much still up in the air and I'm not sure what my next direction will be... but I am excited to take the next steps. Cheers to that!
I started a new assignment a week ago, and I thought my life was going to get a little bit easier.
But I was wrong.
First, the day before I transitioned to my new job, I was informed I would be receiving a pay cut, $2 an hour less than what I negotiated to even accept and sign for this job LESS than 1 YEAR ago! Add that to my being cut from 40 standard hours to 30!
Then, when I showed up at my new gig on Wednesday morning, I found out I was not starting my non-traveling, one-building-a-day, 7-hour day job that I was offered months ago (all after weeks of being constantly told I wasn't "productive" enough). I was expecting to be in at 7am and done by 4, and was thrilled. NOPE. Instead, I am splitting two buildings... every day..... for the next month. And they failed to tell me. Until the day of.
NOW, we are told that we have to submit all time off requests (to use OUR OWN paid vacation time that WE "earn") 4-6 months in advance. In my opinion, they should have to give me 4 months in advance when they cut my hours, cut my pay, and take my position away.
I am the most stressed out I have been since the first month of my job. And I can't chalk it up to being new at my assignment or because it's a change in routine. There is hard evidence of how poorly we are treated as employees, not to mention, I have been working 11-12 hour days, and getting paid for 7-8 hours.
I was in an "exploration" phase awhile ago in regards to jobs, and now I am in full on search mode.
My anniversary is October 31, and I get all my unused vacation and sick time paid back to me in the next paycheck after that, so I am doing my best to hold out until the end of the month.
I am so sad, because I seriously love what I do. It is depressing that in order to work with clientele who I love, I have to work for a business that is relying on income from a very poor client who is trying to tighten their purse strings (Medicare).
I really love my patients, even the difficult ones. I love my work and the difference I make. I adore my coworkers. I loved my old patients and old job and old coworkers even more than this one. I almost feel like I let them down by agreeing to leave and I still have a little regret about whether it was the right thing to do.
I finally had to cave to all the pressure of the business behind healthcare, and leave somewhere where the work being done was good work. I have to give up what I love for the sake of my sanity. So depressing.
But the countdown begins... 22 days until my anniversary, 30 days until my direct deposit appears with all my unused vacation pay, 33 days until I put in my two weeks notice, and 45 until I'm free from the stress. :-\
What's next? Tonight, it's drinking a glass of wine and filling out more job applications, and Friday I'm shadowing at a pediatric clinic! There is so much still up in the air and I'm not sure what my next direction will be... but I am excited to take the next steps. Cheers to that!
Monday, October 7, 2013
occupations of a patient
I'm an occupational therapist, and it's my job -- by definition -- to be a master of assessing what people do and how they do it. I think I might be on to a regular blog-post topic, but today I picked one specific occupation to evaluate...
Sometimes occupations are cool/interesting/unique things, like basket weaving, or cooking, or being a teacher, or being a grandma, or playing a board game, or lifting weights... the list goes on.
But sometimes, occupations are not so glamorous or fascinating... Yet, necessary. Things like cleaning the house, or being able to get up on your own, or flossing your teeth, or walking with a walker, or of course one of my personal favorites... going to the bathroom.
I help people go to the bathroom all day long! But more importantly, I help them help themselves. Even more importantly, I eventually get to the point where I don't help them at all! And even though it's not as glamorous as returning to playing golf or getting back to driving, it is pretty dang important. Nearly all of my patients (I work in assisted living, skilled nursing, long term care) have a toileting or incontinence-related goal.
Remember when we were little and we needed a grown-up to take us to the restroom? Then, in school, we would have to raise a hand and ask permission and take a hall pass. Wen we got to college, it was amazing when we were told, "feel free to excuse yourself..." Some people refuse to use the bathroom in public for various reasons... for other people, going to the bathroom in groups is a ritual. Some of my grad school friends would always go into big stall together at the bars... but for whatever reason I just could never get comfortable with sharing that personal moment with someone else. Personally, sometimes I go to the bathroom just to sit down and take a break.
At some point, many of us will return back to the days of not only having to ask permission (by way of a call bell...or yelling...or maybe it's already too late), but then having to wait for that permission to be acknowledged, then have one of several options happen after a stranger enters the room: A) she comes in and help you out of bed and to the toilet, pulls your pants down as quickly as possible... and helps you get cleaned up after... Hopefully while being as polite and respectful as possible; B) she comes in and helps you roll over in bed to place a really big pink bucket under your butt, then walks away, and you wonder if she'll ever come back; or C) it's already too late. She comes in and helps you get cleaned up.
And while either A/B/C are occurring, your new intimate companion may or may not be pleasant and polite and respectful; the water may or may not be warm; multiple people may or may not enter your room without regard to your privacy; and any one of these participants may or may not be having separate conversations (on a phone/walkie-talkie/yelling out the door) that may or may not have anything to do with you.
My dear medical friends, the next time you go to the bathroom, cherish the privacy and quiet and respect that comes with a closed door. And the next time you decide not to knock on a patient's door, just remember the sacredness of that personal, private moment. :)
We all do it... some people just need a chaperone. They still deserve to have a little moment to themselves (if they want!).
Sometimes occupations are cool/interesting/unique things, like basket weaving, or cooking, or being a teacher, or being a grandma, or playing a board game, or lifting weights... the list goes on.
But sometimes, occupations are not so glamorous or fascinating... Yet, necessary. Things like cleaning the house, or being able to get up on your own, or flossing your teeth, or walking with a walker, or of course one of my personal favorites... going to the bathroom.
I help people go to the bathroom all day long! But more importantly, I help them help themselves. Even more importantly, I eventually get to the point where I don't help them at all! And even though it's not as glamorous as returning to playing golf or getting back to driving, it is pretty dang important. Nearly all of my patients (I work in assisted living, skilled nursing, long term care) have a toileting or incontinence-related goal.
Remember when we were little and we needed a grown-up to take us to the restroom? Then, in school, we would have to raise a hand and ask permission and take a hall pass. Wen we got to college, it was amazing when we were told, "feel free to excuse yourself..." Some people refuse to use the bathroom in public for various reasons... for other people, going to the bathroom in groups is a ritual. Some of my grad school friends would always go into big stall together at the bars... but for whatever reason I just could never get comfortable with sharing that personal moment with someone else. Personally, sometimes I go to the bathroom just to sit down and take a break.
At some point, many of us will return back to the days of not only having to ask permission (by way of a call bell...or yelling...or maybe it's already too late), but then having to wait for that permission to be acknowledged, then have one of several options happen after a stranger enters the room: A) she comes in and help you out of bed and to the toilet, pulls your pants down as quickly as possible... and helps you get cleaned up after... Hopefully while being as polite and respectful as possible; B) she comes in and helps you roll over in bed to place a really big pink bucket under your butt, then walks away, and you wonder if she'll ever come back; or C) it's already too late. She comes in and helps you get cleaned up.
And while either A/B/C are occurring, your new intimate companion may or may not be pleasant and polite and respectful; the water may or may not be warm; multiple people may or may not enter your room without regard to your privacy; and any one of these participants may or may not be having separate conversations (on a phone/walkie-talkie/yelling out the door) that may or may not have anything to do with you.
My dear medical friends, the next time you go to the bathroom, cherish the privacy and quiet and respect that comes with a closed door. And the next time you decide not to knock on a patient's door, just remember the sacredness of that personal, private moment. :)
We all do it... some people just need a chaperone. They still deserve to have a little moment to themselves (if they want!).
If you came from Medical Mondays, thanks so much for stopping by and reading my post! :)
Sunday, October 6, 2013
what do real people do on saturdays?
I've recently started getting more involved with a large women's service organization in my city. As a new member, I have lots of required events, a lot of them on Saturdays. I am really enjoying it! It's really nice to have something meaningful to do on a Saturday. Eventually, after I pass all the new member requirements, I'll get an official volunteer "placement", and work with a local charity or project, on a more regular basis. But so far this fall, I have gotten to volunteer at the thrift store (the organization owns and operates the store as a fundraiser), model in a fashion show (for a store promo at a big convention), and take a 2-hour tour of the city to learn about the history. It has been a lot of fun and has helped me learn so much more about where I live.
This Saturday, I went to an "info session" at the Science Museum downtown. They talked about what the project/partnership is with our organization, and what volunteers would do if they are "placed" with this project. For this one, we would put on programming for "at risk" kids at the museum, with a special science project and some literacy exposure as well. Then, we get to take the kids around the museum and have some fun! It sounds like it would be a lot of fun and rewarding... especially how much I love science. When we toured the museum, I felt like a little kid having to hold myself back to explore everything. :)
In the afternoon, I volunteered at the thrift store again. We have to volunteer at least 30 hours before our "new member" period is over... and so far I have a whopping 8 hours. I used to work retail, so it's pretty easy. One of my favorite jobs in retail was honestly going around the store and picking up clothes and making the racks look nice, so that's pretty much what I go around doing in between customers at the register.
In between the two events, I took apart my bike (a pink vintage-looking beach cruiser... it's not really vintage but still just about as cute) and scrubbed it with steel wool to clean it up a little bit, pumped up my tires, then put everything back together and took it for a test drive around the block! I hadn't ridden it in over a year, but it rode great (better than I remember the last time), so I think it's time I start taking it out every now and again... maybe to the farmer's market or to go to parts of downtown I'd rather not walk to.
I decided to try a really quick/easy dinner for last night, and I thought I did pretty good so I wanted to post about it. I had a bag of frozen "creamy polenta" with spinach from Trader Joe's, so I decided to try it out. Tilapia thaws really quickly, so I ran one of my prepacked filets under some cold water for a few minutes, then "breaded" it with a little bit of fancy quinoa mix (from Home Goods). I pan fried it on the stove in olive oil on low heat, while I quickly cooked some peas. Voila! Looks like a restaurant meal. I think it ultimately took about 30 minutes, which isn't all that fast but it's still so much better than a gross microwave lean cuisine.
I also did get to go for a job/walk yesterday! I was dying!!!!! (I'm not gonna lie, I can't believe it is still getting to 80 degrees this time of year! I think it's gonna start to cool off just a little bit... but it can definitely stay 70s for a little longer. Now that I'm getting up much earlier for my new job, I always think it is FREEZING because I am cold to the bone at 6am. Then I go to my car to drive to the other building and realize it's still summer in October...)
It seems like I am STILL the queen of people bailing on me and backing out and/or never having invitations returned. I was supposed to meet a friend for drinks last night (my invitation)... but by the time he made it back to town with his friends and then took an hour to text me back, it was already like 11:00! I love the company of others, but I'm not that desperate, especially when it's somebody I'm not all that close with to begin with. So that was a little bit of a disappointment... it was a gorgeous day and I feel like I didn't get to enjoy it as much as I would have liked. I've been feeling that way about a lot of things lately... just a little regretful that I'm maybe not enjoying life as much as I should be.
On the bright side, I do really enjoy cooking, and riding my bike, and running, and volunteering, even if it's all solo... for now. :)
This Saturday, I went to an "info session" at the Science Museum downtown. They talked about what the project/partnership is with our organization, and what volunteers would do if they are "placed" with this project. For this one, we would put on programming for "at risk" kids at the museum, with a special science project and some literacy exposure as well. Then, we get to take the kids around the museum and have some fun! It sounds like it would be a lot of fun and rewarding... especially how much I love science. When we toured the museum, I felt like a little kid having to hold myself back to explore everything. :)
In the afternoon, I volunteered at the thrift store again. We have to volunteer at least 30 hours before our "new member" period is over... and so far I have a whopping 8 hours. I used to work retail, so it's pretty easy. One of my favorite jobs in retail was honestly going around the store and picking up clothes and making the racks look nice, so that's pretty much what I go around doing in between customers at the register.
In between the two events, I took apart my bike (a pink vintage-looking beach cruiser... it's not really vintage but still just about as cute) and scrubbed it with steel wool to clean it up a little bit, pumped up my tires, then put everything back together and took it for a test drive around the block! I hadn't ridden it in over a year, but it rode great (better than I remember the last time), so I think it's time I start taking it out every now and again... maybe to the farmer's market or to go to parts of downtown I'd rather not walk to.
I decided to try a really quick/easy dinner for last night, and I thought I did pretty good so I wanted to post about it. I had a bag of frozen "creamy polenta" with spinach from Trader Joe's, so I decided to try it out. Tilapia thaws really quickly, so I ran one of my prepacked filets under some cold water for a few minutes, then "breaded" it with a little bit of fancy quinoa mix (from Home Goods). I pan fried it on the stove in olive oil on low heat, while I quickly cooked some peas. Voila! Looks like a restaurant meal. I think it ultimately took about 30 minutes, which isn't all that fast but it's still so much better than a gross microwave lean cuisine.
I also did get to go for a job/walk yesterday! I was dying!!!!! (I'm not gonna lie, I can't believe it is still getting to 80 degrees this time of year! I think it's gonna start to cool off just a little bit... but it can definitely stay 70s for a little longer. Now that I'm getting up much earlier for my new job, I always think it is FREEZING because I am cold to the bone at 6am. Then I go to my car to drive to the other building and realize it's still summer in October...)
It seems like I am STILL the queen of people bailing on me and backing out and/or never having invitations returned. I was supposed to meet a friend for drinks last night (my invitation)... but by the time he made it back to town with his friends and then took an hour to text me back, it was already like 11:00! I love the company of others, but I'm not that desperate, especially when it's somebody I'm not all that close with to begin with. So that was a little bit of a disappointment... it was a gorgeous day and I feel like I didn't get to enjoy it as much as I would have liked. I've been feeling that way about a lot of things lately... just a little regretful that I'm maybe not enjoying life as much as I should be.
On the bright side, I do really enjoy cooking, and riding my bike, and running, and volunteering, even if it's all solo... for now. :)
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
saying goodbye
So, I'm just gonna come right out and say it.
The thing that really sucks about working in healthcare... especially with the geriatric population... is that people die.
I've been an occupational therapist almost one full year. I have seen a handful of patients come and go in my short tenure. I haven't ever cried, but I have felt increased amounts of hurt with certain special people, based on relationships established, or the amount of time I knew them, or because I felt connected to them in some way, or because they remind me of someone else in my life...
One thing I have loved about working in the retirement community, is that after I discharge patients, I still get to see them! Sometimes I see them every day. Sometimes I even hug them and talk to them every day! I always tell people I have a hundred Grandmas and Grandpas. It really feels like that sometimes!
It's also helpful when they need therapy again, because I know right where we left off before and it's so easy to get back into things and put together their plan of care and have an idea of where they will need to get back to. It is also beneficial for the residents that we know them so well, because then they get just that little bit better attention because we don't have to start from scratch in getting to know them and their families. Our whole department gets worried when we hear someone isn't well, or has gone out to the hospital or the SNF... and then when they come back we share in the joy that they have gotten better (and probably get to come to therapy again!). There is an extra level of community when you work at a place like this, and I love it. But it does make it sad when someone has to go...
This week, I was the one leaving. I obviously have not died. But, I won't be in their lives anymore.
I am taking a new assignment within my company, and working at a new building. I think it's pretty special to be able to actually say goodbye. Last night, I slaved away in the kitchen making snickers apple pie and 7-layer greek dip, and writing personalized notes to each of my coworkers to say goodbye and to say thank you. And... "hope to see you soon!"
But lots of the people who I suddenly stop seeing regularly, didn't get that chance to say "goodbye". We didn't get to throw a going away party or go out for lunch or a walk "one last time." I think about certain patients I'm really close with or see regularly, and sometimes I think about how they could be gone at any moment... I could go to my new job tomorrow morning and get a text and find out my Mr. M or Mr. C or Mrs. P have had a stroke or a heart attack or passed away. Some of them I spend as much time with as I do with my coworkers! It is going to be so hard to not know how certain ones are doing... or checking in with one when I need a laugh or a pick-me-up... or a hug.
I just can't say enough about hugs.
Why can't all people have fun going away parties to say their very last goodbye?
The thing that really sucks about working in healthcare... especially with the geriatric population... is that people die.
I've been an occupational therapist almost one full year. I have seen a handful of patients come and go in my short tenure. I haven't ever cried, but I have felt increased amounts of hurt with certain special people, based on relationships established, or the amount of time I knew them, or because I felt connected to them in some way, or because they remind me of someone else in my life...
One thing I have loved about working in the retirement community, is that after I discharge patients, I still get to see them! Sometimes I see them every day. Sometimes I even hug them and talk to them every day! I always tell people I have a hundred Grandmas and Grandpas. It really feels like that sometimes!
It's also helpful when they need therapy again, because I know right where we left off before and it's so easy to get back into things and put together their plan of care and have an idea of where they will need to get back to. It is also beneficial for the residents that we know them so well, because then they get just that little bit better attention because we don't have to start from scratch in getting to know them and their families. Our whole department gets worried when we hear someone isn't well, or has gone out to the hospital or the SNF... and then when they come back we share in the joy that they have gotten better (and probably get to come to therapy again!). There is an extra level of community when you work at a place like this, and I love it. But it does make it sad when someone has to go...
This week, I was the one leaving. I obviously have not died. But, I won't be in their lives anymore.
I am taking a new assignment within my company, and working at a new building. I think it's pretty special to be able to actually say goodbye. Last night, I slaved away in the kitchen making snickers apple pie and 7-layer greek dip, and writing personalized notes to each of my coworkers to say goodbye and to say thank you. And... "hope to see you soon!"
 |
| (Greek dip with pita chips... so yummy) |
 |
| Snickers Apple Pie |
But lots of the people who I suddenly stop seeing regularly, didn't get that chance to say "goodbye". We didn't get to throw a going away party or go out for lunch or a walk "one last time." I think about certain patients I'm really close with or see regularly, and sometimes I think about how they could be gone at any moment... I could go to my new job tomorrow morning and get a text and find out my Mr. M or Mr. C or Mrs. P have had a stroke or a heart attack or passed away. Some of them I spend as much time with as I do with my coworkers! It is going to be so hard to not know how certain ones are doing... or checking in with one when I need a laugh or a pick-me-up... or a hug.
I just can't say enough about hugs.
Why can't all people have fun going away parties to say their very last goodbye?
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